Monday, March 15, 2010

The Heights

When I first called Claire a couple weeks ago I made what may have been a fatal relationship error. Instead of asking her on a date, I pitched her on a "unite the clans" idea, where she had girl friends who were cool and I had guy friends who were cool so we should get them together. Pretty basic socializing.

This has worked out really well for our "clans". Claire lives in a large apartment complex near the U called The Heights. It is mostly occupied by students. Claire lives in a two bedroom apartment with another girl, Ginger. Then, across the hall from them, there is an apartment with 4 other girls. Down the hall about two doors is another 3 girls. So, 9 nubile hotties within a few dozen yards of each other. Pretty ideal.

I think that their entire Singles Ward lives in The Heights. So my roommates and I aren't even confined to just the 9 girls in Claire's hallway.

We've been hanging at The Heights almost every night. The only downfall is that Calvin has night classes 3 nights during the week, so he misses out on a lot of the action. So we go over, hang out in their complex, bounce from apartment to apartment trying to meet all the girls we can and make some lasting impressions on them.

Amidst this large pool of single action, Claire and I have been hanging out together a lot. This is mostly because we both tend to play "ring leader" in our respective groups. That makes it really easy for us to get something going that has a lot of people and a lot of fun. As mentioned, this all works very well for our respective groups of cool friends. Unfortunately, it puts me and Claire into almost a professional relationship. It's kind of like we are really good friends that work together... friends who flirt a lot with each other but who, by virtue of our (self imposed) leadership roles are often flirting with and getting to know new people, too.

I wish that when I made that first phone call I would have just asked Claire out. Then after nurturing a little romance we could use our combined ring leader prowess to generate all this fun for others while being all lovey-dovey and stuff simultaneously.

Instead we spend a lot of time hanging out. Planning and plotting. We talk on the phone all the time, but almost every conversation starts with something like, "What are we doing tonight?" or "Who all is coming to (insert social gathering details) from your group?" or "I'm thinking it would be so fun to do (insert Mormon-approved recreational activity)."

I want to just ask her out, but it's weird, I may have missed my boat. I know a lot of guys prefer the "hang-out and make-out" process that seems so popular amongst youngsters these days. I am terrible at it, though. I have to take a girl out, make her laugh, work my way from gentle touches, to hand holds, to a doorstep scene - granted that can all happen in one night - but just making a move while in a group setting... I don't have a clue.

Claire and I (I think) have a real connection. On two or three occasions we have stayed up just talking, deep heart-to-heart kind of stuff, late into the night. It's awesome. Usually I can't talk to girls longer than a few minute without thinking they need another 7 years of school before we ever have another conversation. Like Andrea and Sanders, the ability to just talk is a big factor for me.

Right now, Claire's OS rating is off the charts. So... what seems to be the problem? I guess I am scared. Scared, that since we've been great friends up till now, that perhaps that's all Claire would be interested in. Scared that if I express a more romantic interest that she would be like, "Oh Jake, I didn't mean to lead you on, I just don't think about you 'that way'." As confident as I pretend to be, that would kill me. Had I asked her out originally and she would have rejected me, that's one thing. Now, though, there would be all this weirdness and the 'big group' environment we are creating would be hard to avoid.

Yeah, yeah, dig in and berate my cowardice. Whatever. I know I need to "Man up" so if that's your best advice, save it.

There is this small part of me that thinks if I just keep doing the friend thing that we will just end up becoming so close, and our bond will grow so strong that our (Claire and I) story will just become that REO Speedwagon song -

"...what started out as friendship has grown stronger.
I only wish I had the strength to let it show.

I tell myself that I can't hold out forever.
I say there is no reason for my fear.
'Cause I feel so secure when we're together.
You give my life direction, you make everything so clear...

...Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore.
I've forgotten what I started fightin' for.
And if i have to crawl along the floor.
Come crashing through the door.
Baby I can't fight this feeling anymore.



Anonymous said...

Man up.

Christin said...

If she isn't talking to you about other guys that she likes that could be an indication that she's into you. If she hasn't been going after one of your roommates or another guy when you are around that could also be a good sign for you. That is what I do when I am hoping for the friend swap. Maybe during one of your heart to hearts you could ask try and feel out her interest for you. Good luck.

Hilary said...

Don't man up. Hold out, if she digs you, she'll probably drop a hint somewhere (soon) down the road.

Lauren said...

You win for quoting REO Speedwagon!

My fiance and I met at work and were just friends. Things worked out just fine :) If you like her, ask her out. She wouldn't be spending so much time with you and having deep conversations if she wasn't interested.

Courtney said...

That song has literally been stuck in my head all morning. Before I read this post. You get major kudos for referencing it.
I'm all for the friend-to-dating scenario. I would not be where I am today in fact without it, since that's exactly what happened to my husband and I. Plus if it doesn't work out with Claire, you have a million other prospects - correct? If it's gonna happen then it will. If not, you are in a perfect situation for a non-awkward way to move on with one of the other girls in her complex. Win - win.

Amy said...

I frickin' love Reo Speedwagon. So poignant.

P.S. good luck! *in my best Mrs. Potts voice* "It'll turn out alright in the end."

Crystal said...

Now I have that song stuck in my head.

I don't know. I say wait it out a little longer and see if she gives you any solid indication she's interested. I think she is but it might be better to just wait and see what happens.

Hope it works out for you.

Deanna said...

Just don't make out with one of her friends as long as you think something might happen here.

Sara said...

Aaahhhh, the age old predicament. I say you just keep chillin with her. And like Hilary said, she'll drop a hint soon if she digs you. Or you can choose to gradually plan activities that are more one-on-one and more datelike.

For example, just call her up one day and say Calvin ditched you for lunch plans and you didn't want to go alone. Have her meet you somewhere but then pay for her. It'll get the thought in her head.

You're welcome.


-TG said...

That's cute :] Enjoy what you have now! It'll all fall into place someway or another.

Kristin Lee said...

Cute entry. Hold out. Becoming friends won't hurt you, if anything it'll strengthen a relationship...unless of course you fall into "just friends" in which case you will never be more. Never. So just keep dropping hints to her and flirt with her.

~*~Katie Jo~*~ said...

Just go for it. You'll always wonder if you don't ask her! And if she says no, big move forward and onward with life, and still continue to be BFFs. :)

If you've got a real connection with this girl, don't let it slip away.

Anonymous said...


The problem with taking dating advice from girls (with the possible exception of Katie Jo) is:

1) Girls don't date girls; and
2) Girls don't know what they want.

Despite all their comments to the contrary, girls don't want some spineless admirer from afar. They want a man who is actually a man. They want to be with someone who doesn't make them guess at where they stand all the time.

This chick probably thinks you don't like her. "Otherwise, he totally would have asked me out by now."

REO Speedwagon is like movies: great for creating false drama, but not the place to look for advice in the real world.

Anonymous said...

imo, you are used to things moving fast. in my experience, the relationships that feel like they are starting slowly end up being a lot better and longer lasting... if it does develop to a romantic point.
i dunno. i can't say whether it's a sure thing that she secretly likes you too, but i'd wager money that she does. or at least candy. i would definitely wager candy. so just keep going with the flow for a little while, and i suggest you do ask her out on a real, individual date eventually, that would probably be a good turning point, but there's no rush.

Anonymous said...

From a girl standpoint, I say that Claire digs you. I found my husband to be great friend for about a week is all and then I was smitten by him! I say you should go for it. If she thinks you are a "cool guy" then you need to aske her out. I think things will progress wonderfully! Good luck!

Kate Weber said...

I think the way you're feeling is definitely normal. No one likes rejection. But from a girl's point of view, she might be WANTING you to ask her out and is really worried that you don't like HER no matter how much you seem to. This has happened to me SO many times. This could be wrong, but it's worth a shot right? What if this girl can make you REALLY happy? And what if you can do the same for her? It's worth a shot. I know that I've waited around for a guy to ask me out. Someone who seemed interested but never made a move. So I moved on. I just don't want you to miss your chance because you waited too long. Good luck, Jake.

whitney said...

My bf and I started out as good friends. Where we hung out in a group of people. And now we've been dating for 6 years. So it can happen. Just go for it.

REO Speedwagon = major awesomeness

madison said...

went through the same thing like three weeks ago. Pretty much the EXACT SAME SITUATION.
Here's the girl perspective: This guy is deep! I feel like I can actually talk to him and we get along really well, plus he knows and hangs out with all my friends! So why won't he hit on me? Trust me, she's just wondering when you're going to make a move. Wait like a week more and then go for it. (If all is going the same).

S said...

It seems as though you & I are in the same boat.
"Man up" is what my friends are telling me to do.
Except that maybe this thing, whatever it is with this guy, is just a friendship thing. Who knows?
I also have the problem of pushing away when someone gets close or gets "the look" (your a guy you should know what I'm talking about) ...I'm sorry, now I'm just rambling.
Oh and that kind of freaks me out that you used that song; At work I would think of him everytime it played, but it was the "Glee" version of course.

20 Something said...

Seriously Jake? Its your place to go after her. If you like her ask her out, I can almost guarantee you she is into you! She wouldn't be giving you that much time if she wasn't!! Just take the drivers seat, like men are supposed to and ask her out. She likes you, If it turns out bad I will send you a sympathy package to your PO box, scouts Honor!!! Just get out there and do it.

Heather Guymon said...

Just give it some time. Don't man up just yet...I agree with several of the above comments...if she isn't mentioning other guys, she's into you OR if she does mention other guys it could be to see what your reaction nevermind that totally isn't good advice.

UM...just give it some time? Oh yeah I already said that.

Anonymous said...

Just ask her out! Seriously, what's the worst that can happen? She says move on. No harm done.

Whiteley Family said...

i hated being in this situation it's the absolute worst. :(

all i can think of that may be helpful is to just try and make it a smaller group that hangs out once in a while or just ask her on a casual hangout/date, no fancy dinner stuff yet just the norm fun salt lake stuff (it's almost ice blocking season... or i wish it were)

Anonymous said...

Why are people telling you to give it time?

I met my boyfriend at church and we hung out a few times as friends. But we'd spend a lot of the time along, just talking one on one, and after a while, it was clear we both liked each other. It still took a few more weeks before we started dating, though, and that was with church gossip where people would ask me, "Has he asked you out yet?" every so often.

I guess I don't have a point.

But...if you don't want people telling you to man up....why are you writing this? Since that is obviously what you need to do.

Although I liked the suggestion of someone saying, "ask her to lunch" without making it a date, but then go ahead and pay. Sneaky. But confusing for her.

Sorry it is late for me in the UK. Goodnight.

Rissy said...

I was going to hop on the "ask her out you big loser" bandwagon, but I managed to stop my knee jerk reaction. What stopped me? Well, I thought about all the guys I am friends with and how awkward it'd be if they asked me out. There are guys out there who I would like to ask me out... but I'd say they know that. Are you ignoring signs she's into you? Or is she not giving you any? doesn't sound like she's super shy or anything being a ringleader and all. Good luck!

Anonymous said...

If you're good looking I'd say she's into you. And connections like that aren't one sided (unless you're a creepster lol). But I agree with enjoying the friendship and letting it "slip" into more of a dating situation for the two of you. But don't wait forever or she'll think you're just not the movie He's Just Not That Into You. Good luck!

singlemormonchick said...

you guys are all about the elaborate schemes-cant you manage to devise something that appears to be one of your group activities, but then ends up just being the two of you? then you can impress her with your rico suave moves and steal her heart for eternity. or until you get bored. or until you manufacture some minuscule flaw that would make her ineligible for any further adoration from you.
just dont lie still in the grass all coiled up and hissin. thats all i am saying.

Sara said...

I agree with Rissy. You could screw up a perfectly good friendship if you "man up" and she's weirded out. Claire seems chill. You'll be able to tell.

Liz said...

Rejection... dun dun dun dunnnn. (dramatic music)

Get over it I'm ninty point nine percent possitive she's interested and she is waiting for you to make the first move....

Anonymous said...

I'd say find some "reason" you two need to get out and do something(date-like) together, just the two of you. Whether it's dinner, or whatever you normally do on a real date. Her reaction to the request and her actions during the "date" will tell you what you need to know while still allowing you to remain a complete pansy about it and avoid the DTR altogether.

One thing is BOUND to lead to another.

Erin said...

the idea of going from friends to more will probably work, but dude.

REO Speedwagon song lyrics in a post? You're kind of a dork.

Eh, thats ok.

kel(LOVE)lie said...

You don't exactly have a history of being upfront and direct in your relationships, but I think you'd do well to be open about how you feel with Claire. You work together well as social coordinators and, from what you've said, you get along and talk easily. REO Speedwagon is brilliant, but real life doesn't always make for a ballad.

Tiffy J. said...

I would tell you to man up...but I prefer the term cowboy up.
So cowboy up. Be a man.

Kellie said...

I love you for inserting Can't Fight This Feeling in there. No freakin' lie.
You should go for it.. But that's just my opinion.

Anonymous said...

If I were a betting girl, then I would put money on the fact that you will grace us with a post explaining how "Claire" pounces you and makes out for hours in the future.....So, just save us the wait and throw that fictional post in here right now.

Anonymous said...


For a person who was kicked out of school, had a very low HS GPA, and cannot spell...that is a mighty fancy word.

I think that you truly are the middle age woman a blog is claiming and not two loser RMs as you claim to be.


hater said...

"Usually I can't talk to girls longer than a few minute without thinking they need another 7 years of school before we ever have another conversation."

You're the one that needs to go back to school you idiot!

julia said...

Once I had a friend, and unfortunately the friendship has kind of drifted away I think because I didnt respect him really because he did what you're doing now.
We started out friends, and I'm not sure if he liked me from the start or not, but even though I never "liked" him, I would have respected him a whole lot more if he had of stepped up and put himself out there, instead of only pretending that he had so much more to say on those activity-organizing phone calls, or that he wasnt just making all these plans so everyone else could hang out when really he wanted just US hang out time.
Dont put it off either. It only gets harder.

Tiffany said...

That is my favorite song.

My advice is to kiss the girl. Easy peasy. Then if she is not feeling the commitment thing fine, cus the "kiss and still hang" is something we all have done.

Anonymous said...

Go for it! Now! Before some less-attractive yet forward guy wrestles some commitment out of her. You can't be the only guy that has noticed her existence. Now is the opportune moment.

Anonymous said...

hahaha. There is hater's comment which actually makes this blog readable. Don't waste your time Jake, you are eternally single/gay with Calvin.

*sarcasm* said...

Are you serious? You might have missed the boat? What has it been 2 weeks? Oh no you haven't stuck your tongue down her throat or gone horizontal with her yet... how is she ever going to know you like her now?

Katie said...

Best friends make the best lovers. Just sayin'

Love that song by the way.

colleenroselle said...

ha ha ha nice song. just ask her out, chances are she's into you. and I couldn't have said it better than Katie ^^

Monica said...

Yeah can't really give you any advice because I'm in the same boat right now. It's always really hard to try and make it more once you're really good friends cause you don't want to ruin it. If you get any good advice on how to make it move forward let me know cause I need it too.

lovethatsong! said...

glad you clarified that the song was about you and claire because I totally would have thought you were talking about you and calvin.

do her a favor... said...

don't ask her out!

Jade said...

Jake, this was a really cute and sweet post, I liked it alot! I like seeing this side of you. Anyways, in my opinion your boat hasn't sailed for a shot with Claire. From what you've said about how she acts, I'd say she's at least interested in you. And I'd bet you anything that she's feeling the same way you are right now, worrying about if she has a shot with you or if you guy's can "just be friends" only.

So Jake, take a chance, ask her out, I think you will find that things will go quite well.

P.S. It's a very good thing that your not good at the whole hangout/makeout thing, it shows your a gentleman and have respect.

Bethany said...

So I don't know what type of girl Claire is but I always end up liking guys more that I was friends with first that I can really talk too! So ask her out!

Anonymous said...

Jade - are you kidding me? Jake has not done anything to show he is a gentleman or that he has respect for women.

Do you even read this blog?

OMG said...

"berate my cowardice"

is that supposed to make you sound smart or something?

who says that?

Melanie Lynne said...

Well now. I don't think you need to "man up" despite what other commentors think. Putting yourself out there is hard.
Plus that is an awesome song. And I think that if you spontaneously (but in a somewhat romantic setting) burst out singing those lyrics, she just might fall madly in love with you.

If she hasn't already...

And it just might turn into an 80's karaoke party.

Bad Horse said...

And suppose you do go out with her and things progress? You'll just put her on a pedestal as you did Andrea and Lisa, and will break up with her. So why go for it if you are just going to chicken out anyways?