Who is Keyser Soze?

We have readers from all walks of life, I think. Well, maybe not "death bed" walk of life, but most of the other ones. Well, one of these "walks" has been posting a link on Twitter and Facebook to a blog where the author claims to have "revealed" our true identities. It has resulted in several comments on our blog and a myriad of tweets and statuseseses on Facebook. The author of the aforementioned blog, however, is anonymous. (We can't stand people who think they can do and say whatever they want just because they're anonymous.)

This guy has created this blog for the sole purpose of "revealing" us. To add insult to injury, he also has placed advertisements on his blog so he can make money off of our blogs untimely demise. To prevent him from making any money, I've copied and pasted his blog in it's entirety right here. If you're afraid I've altered the text, you're more than welcome to visit his blog. Just don't click on the ad's or else he'll get paid 1/20 of a cent for each click.

Now, onto the blog which is causing so much controversy (with simultaneous tingling in our loins):

I first came across this blog a few months ago, and thought it was a pretty novel idea: two guys who claim to be roommates that write about their various dating escapades and adventures living as young, single, recently returned missionaries. In their stories, they talk about topics such as “horizontal make-outs,” “define the relationship (DTR) talks,” scales of attraction, and other slightly more taboo subjects for young single adults of the LDS faith. I thought the blog was funny and entertaining, and I found myself relating to some of the situations and stories they described. They wrote without fear about some of the things that we, as men, often think about women, but should never say in front of them. This led to hundreds of responses from readers (mostly women) that were as entertaining, if not more so, than the posts themselves. There quickly became a division among the readers—those who defended the writers for being cool, funny, laid-back Mormon guys, and those who hated them for being typical, disrespectful, chauvinistic men. So, even though I felt a little out of place, I occasionally visited the blog to catch up and have a few laughs. I maintained this activity as a guilty pleasure, since I knew that most (probably 85%) of their readers are women. I became aware that many people questioned whether the blog was real, and even more girls wanted to know who these awesome, funny guys were (presumably to “jump their bones”). The writers addressed the issue by claiming they needed anonymity in order to “protect” the other people involved. I began to read another blog called “Expose the Mormon Bachelor Pad,” which sought to discover (and presumably expose) the writers’ identities. Anonymous comments were left with varying theories, links to facebook profiles, and even anecdotal encounters. Of course, nearly all of these theories were based on the assumption that the characters’ basic information was correct. This led the majority of the sleuths down completely wrong paths, and even helped MBP out in some ways. However, it was discovered that the writers had formed an LLC, liked to shop on the company dime, and even had a lawyer. It became apparent to me that there was a business objective here. However, I could not tell whether the blog was real, and the writers later decided to make some profit (why not?), or whether the entire site was fabricated to generate income. I’m still not sure if the writers realized in the beginning how popular their blog would become. In revealing their identities, I do not wish to frustrate their business plans. I’m sure that they will continue to write as wittily and to be as creative as they have been in the past. If they continue to write well, people will continue to read. They seem to have a cult following that would believe their every word, and some of those people probably won’t even believe that I’m right about them. After I had discovered the characters’ true identities, I left a couple of innocent comments announcing that fact, and only included their real first names. I congratulated them for being such great writers. Those comments were never published, since they began moderating them some time ago. Since they wouldn’t offer me even that tiny bit of credit, I decided to write this and expose them. I think that people deserve to know that what they are reading is fiction. If you want to continue to believe that MBP is real, and that “Jake” or “Calvin” is your future eternal companion, I suggest that you stop reading now. Otherwise, may the truth set you free. Oh, and please buy a shirt from them, because they deserve it, if only for pulling it all off. I will not go into the details about how I discovered the identities of the authors, but I will say that it was merely by luck and not by any sinister (or illegal) means. After noticing several connections and coincidences, I was able to identify them based on their personal (but public) blogs and profiles. Once I show you the evidence, you will see how easy it was to tie them to MBP. Everything I know has been gleaned from those sources, so I might be mistaken on some points. Also, I have not been able to tell whether there really are two writers, or if both characters are written by the same person (which would be “Jake”). In either case, it appears that “Calvin” is, at the very least, based on a real person. Without further ado, allow me to introduce the writer(s) behind MBP: Revelation

	The Story	The Truth
	“Jake”
Name	“Jake”	John Maxim
Status	Single	Divorced
Mission	Dublin Ireland; 2007-09	Leeds England, Cincinnati OH; 1996-98
From:	Seattle	Portland
Hobbies	Soccer	Soccer Writing Blogs/Comics Making/Reviewing Movies
	“Calvin”
Name	“Calvin”	Cameron Daley
Status	Single	Married (2001)
Mission	Dublin Ireland; 2007-09	Leeds England; 1996-98
From:	Ogden, UT	Ogden, UT
Employment	Low stress desk job	Probation Officer
Hobbies	Snogging	Writing Blogs/Comics Making/Reviewing Movies

John is a fan of the band Less Than Jake, which probably has something to do with his choice of pseudonym. Similarly, Cameron is a fan of the comic strip “Calvin and Hobbes.” So, in truth, John and Cameron really are two great writers who have created a fascinating work of fiction which may or may not be based on their real dating experiences (past or present). This is not the first project they have worked on together: #1: “House Of Nine” appears to be a photo blog honoring a house very similar to the Mormon Bachelor Pad, but was probably occupied roughly 10 years ago (by my guesswork). This would reinforce the theory that MBP is actually based on the authors’ past experiences. #2: “Out of the Blue” contains a comic strip that John and Cameron created together. It is also similar to MBP in that it involves a group of quirky young men who live together, and their dating lives. This project even earned them an award in a journalism competition. #3: “The Cinematic Experience” is a movie review blog by John and Cameron. Its most recent posts include video reviews, and those of you who wish to get up close and personal will have all of your utmost desires fulfilled. From these videos it is apparent that “Jake’s” and “Calvin’s” physical descriptions on MBP are accurate. #4: They are currently involved in a competition called the “48 hour Film Project.” I’ve had a lot of fun figuring this all out, and I hope you have too. Most of all, I hope to give credit to John and Cameron for their creative endeavors. Well played! Shortly after creating this blog, I left an anonymous link on "Expose the Mormon Bachelor Pad." I decided to do this so that those people who were truly interested in knowing who the authors were might be able to find out. This may have been a giant mistake on my part. Within hours, all of the previously cited blogs (and even John and Cameron's youtube account) were either privatized or deleted. Obviously, this provides even more evidence that I have hit home, and they are frantically trying to keep from being identified. The most interesting thing is that my comment on ExposeMBP never showed up. Well, well, well... it appears that John and Cameron themselves, or someone close to them, actually created ExposeMBP. This does make some sense, considering that they even posted a link to it from MBP. It may have only served as a straw man, intended to throw any truth seekers off the path. Of course, it also served to give their blog a little more allure, and keep some of their readers' attention. It certainly kept mine!

Wow. You probably have a million questions right about now, don't you? Well, that's why we're doing this post. Here are the options available to us right now and your feedback is welcomed as always:

1. We can explain why this other dude's blog is untrue and point to several alternative explanations as to why his arguments appear to be so sound, but really aren't.

2. We could actually tell the truth which would involve a lot of other stuff.

3. We could lay out a time line for your viewing pleasure from the birth of this blog all the way through yesterday.

4. We could do a series of Q&A blog posts where you submit your questions via comments or email and we do our very best to answer each and every one of them as honestly as possible.

5. We could upload the video of when we stripped at those two bachelorette parties a few years ago.

6. We could give mad props to Blazzer (one of our commentors) who consistently hit the nail on the head with pretty much every single one of his comments.

7. We can ignore these accusations and continue writing as Calvin and Jake while secretly hoping that Jonathan Thomas Martin: Supermodel and Abbie Warnock don't send their parents to our house wielding baseball bats.

8. We could join hands and walk quietly into the sunset, never again uttering the words "Mormon Bachelor Pad".

Love,

Jake and Calvin