Sunday, November 8, 2009

The Burden of Anonymity

It's my turn to write a post, and I got nothing. When Calvin came up with this idea, I honestly thought it would die out in a couple months. Instead it blew up, and the attention is altogether overwhelming. It might be really exciting if I was getting famous. If I could capitalize on all of the attractive nubile women commenting on our posts and joining our Facebook group that would really justify all this.

Instead I am walking around secretly hoping that someone someday will suspect me and accuse me of writing the Mormon Bachelor Pad. I can't wait for that day.

I was at Church today and the Sunday School lesson was sooooo boring. I wasn't sitting by my roommates, I got stuck sitting between this Korean girl who was fresh enough off the boat that I don't think she's learned about the concept of the daily American shower, and Shelly, who we in the house very affectionately call "Shelly smelly belly full of smelly Jelly Shelly" She is not actually smelly, and technically she doesn't even have a belly. She is just fat everywhere so that her belly is swallowed up in her fatness. It's a shame because Shelly is really nice, and has a cute enough face that I think if she lost 120-140 lbs she might be like a 7.

Anyway, it was hot and I was tired from my uneventful weekend of staying up late watching the first 3 seasons of Lost for the first time (a life changing experience), So when the Bishopric Secretary came into Sunday School to slyly call someone out into the hallway for a meeting, I just stood up and exited the room. I wandered the halls for a bit and ended up upstairs in the big tabled area of the institute.

As I reached the top of the stairs I heard a girl say "Mormon Bachelor Pad" amidst some mumbled chatter. I looked over to see a group of 5 girls and one guy sitting around a round table. There were about 15 other random people sitting in different spots around that open area. So I coyly sat in one of the soft chairs nearby, picked up a Book of Mormon and pretended to read it in order to eavesdrop on their conversation.

A blonde girl was saying, "...and Chrissy totally wants to be rated. She actually chatted with Calvin on Facebook for like an hour." The guy asked, "So how do you know they are even guys? Or what if they are like 40 or even 50?" I thought his emphasis on the 10 year age difference was a little bit funny. Then this other blondie said, "We don't. It could be you for all we know..." Then she raised her eyebrow at him and said, "...are you sure your name is Ryan? Or should I call you, Jake?" "Ryan laughed and said, "If it's not a 40 year old woman, it's definitely a gay dude. I am not gay."

They blabbed about gayness for a while and proposition 8, and then got off on their Second Councilor and how inappropriate some of his comments were sometimes. I didn't think they'd make it back to talking about MBP until Ryan said, "So none of you guys asked to be rated." Each of the girls shook their head, and the blonde said, "No, but if they do rate some girls on their blog I am totally gonna read about it." Ryan responded, "If they really are RM's they're definitely gonna use this rating thing to hook up with some girls." All were in agreement and then blondie said, "There is no way they are going to be honest. If some girls that just aren't very cute get rated it's not like they're gonna say, 'Hey, you're a 3 because your nose is huge and you're fat.'" This Brunette girl disagreed, "I think they will. No one knows who they are, what do they have to be afraid of?"

Ryan asked, "Really? ...Really!? Would they really say something like that?" He laughed, "That'd be so funny!" There was some debate. The blonde said, "Yeah, Ryan, you should read this blog. I would love to hear what you think? You know, if guys really think like these two." Just then, I noticed Calvin and Aaron walking towards me with a couple of chicks from our ward. I got up and walked downstairs with them.

I was pretty astonished that I overheard complete strangers talking about our blog. I wanted to jump into their conversation and play the devils advocate on a couple of topics. I formulated all my points in my head which all would have been a lot of fun. I was too nervous, though. Nervous that by interjecting they would somehow know that I was, in fact, Jake.

So far, Calvin and I have not actually responded to anyone's request to be rated. We have received so many requests that we figured we better be sort of organized about it, and make an event of it so that it isn't something we have to feel pressured to do for the rest of the time our blog is in existence.

HERE IS WHAT WE HAVE DECIDED TO DO. (Sorry for the "all caps" thing I know that makes it seem like I'm yelling, I am not, I just wanted to make sure everyone is clear about this.) We will rate anyone who asks to be rated. We will NOT rate people just because they are our facebook friend. (I mean, we're guys and we will rate you simply for existing. However we will not make it know to you unless you request it.) We will do the ratings two ways.

First, girls will only be rated on the LOS.

Second, we will give you two options to being rated.
  • Option 1: Private - Send an email to mormonbachelorpad@gmail.com (even if you've already requested a rating) with "rate me privately" in the subject line. During the week of Christmas we will send you an email back with Calvin and I's rating of you.
  • Option 2: Public - Send us an email to mormonbachelorpad@gmail.com (even if you've already requested a rating) with "rate me publicly" in the subject line. On Christmas Day we will make a blog post where we will post your first name, picture of our choice from your Facebook account, and our rating of you.
I know some of you are thinking, "Who would seriously let these jokers rate them on the world wide web?" We have received numerous, numerous requests and when we've asked if we could do it publicly about 20% have responded "yes." I would hope everyone pays close attention to our rating scale disclaimer at the bottom of this post.

You're also probably thinking "Why December?" Hopefully that gives you an indication of how many requests we've received.

I've realized that if we were revealed as the actual writers right now, it probably wouldn't matter that much, but after we start rating girls (and with each story we tell,) it will become more and more paramount that we never reveal who we are. Because we will be completely honest. That is, after all, the purpose of this blog - an honest look into the minds of two men. No... not every man, just us two men.

It sucks because a lot of you are really cute. The burden of doing this is that we cannot, and will not ever be able to use this blog to meet girls... at least not any way I can see.

Jake

ps Some details of the overheard conversation were altered slightly. Also, we assumed that similar conversations are happening all across the globe (cocky?)... so we're pretty sure our anonymity will still be intact following this post... hopefully.

116 comments:

Mormon Bachelor Pad said...

For the record, I think Shelly would only need to lose about 80 lbs.

-c

kelleidoscope said...

Yeah, that part about Shelly and the Korean girl was kinda harsh. But I think the exact same things about people I know, so.. can't judge :)
I'm glad you're all at least gonna be honest with the ratings. I'm sure every girl that asks is expecting the truth but hoping for a high score. Don't crush any hearts!

Kimkidoni said...

So are you concerned at all that the people you overheard might realize that they were the people you overheard?

Azaad!! said...

Do you guys realize that these people who were discussing your blog may actually read this post and know that you go to their church??? And with a little bit of asking around, they may know who you are... Just in case it didn't occur to you...

Haylee Abney said...

The stuff about jelly shelley belly whatever her name is, had me rolling on the floor laughing. hahaha. that's sad though!! and i agree with azaad!- what if all those people read this and then your identity is exposed if they remember what the guy sitting there reading a b.o.m looks like!! uh oh:)

Autumn said...

I was wondering the exact same thing. Those people talking about MBP might see that and know you go to their church. You guys post a lot that if people paid close attention, you'd be found out :] I can only imagine how many requests you have received. It's kinda pathetic. I don't know why girls would care what guys they don't even know, think about them. I mean, a personality can change what you think about the "hotness" of that person. I dont know. But Jake, I think you just redeemed yourself. I didn't fall asleep. :]

Busy Bee Lauren said...

OK, I need to focus on what is truly important right now...

You started watching LOST?!I am so proud of you. Seriously, Lost is the best TV show in the history of TV. I want to know your thoughts!

Anonymous said...

This is priceless.
What you should do is target one of your more beautiful facebook friends and try to meet her in real life. Not as Jake. But then you couldn't tell us about her, because she'd read it. So that would be pointless. At least for me.
Also, I recently sent a link to your blog to a guy I dated in highschool, telling him that the blog reminded me of him. He said he would neither confirm or deny his involvement with the blog, but that he thought it was awesome.
I'll tell you what I didn't tell him: There's no way he's one of you guys. He's neither funny enough or smart enough to write as well as you.
But what you do have in common with him is you seem to act similarly around women. And it's interesting to read about it. And funny as hell.
-Emily

Waiting On a Missionary said...

OH MY GOSH I LOVE LOST!

whyimstillsingle said...

I'm nowhere even close to as famous as you guys, but am definitely familiar with the burden of anonymity. I did decide to reveal my identity to one particularly hot reader, though. You do have options. Just sayin. ;)

Anonymous said...

HAHAHAHAHAHA OMG I'm sorry but I KNOW who you are!

Hmmm... what are you willing to do to keep your anonymity?

Alexandra said...

I'm glad you added that postscript, because I was starting to think you were braindead or something if you didn't change several details to continue hiding your identity.
Phew.

Oh, and I think that anyone who wants to force you guys out of anonymity is a major party pooper. The rest of us are having way too much fun.

Mormon Bachelor Pad said...

Whatever anonymous, there's no way we're even friends. I know this because I have no friends who actually use the "all caps haha" and "OMG".

Nice try.

-j

Waiting On a Missionary said...

like i would care if i knew who you were anyway... you are both ridiculously funny! example-the lost comment you made

Anonymous said...

I'm quite sure that my comment won't matter a hill of beans out of the hundred or so that you might get, but I found the remark about Shelly to be incredibly offensive. You said that she's really nice, but obviously it's only the way she looks that matters. That's so shallow, and I'm sure I'm not the only one to feel this way.

Jade said...

Well you guys could use the blog and your facebook to meet some of the cute girls without being found out. But to do that you'd have to find some way to run into the girls. For example if you were able to find out where they go to school or where they work, get their number etc. And then when you decide to blog about them make sure you change their name enough (like if her name was Amy don't call her Angie on the blog, call her Melissa or something). But I think you guys could pull of keeping the blog anonymous and using it to get girls, it just all depends on how much work you guys are willing to put into it.

Whoa that was long... sorry

Zabes-Yap said...

Curiosity killed the cat....

I would had to have jumped into the convo... it would have been hilarious. Next time just pretend like you don't know what it is. It will be brilliant!

The Boob Nazi said...

I also found that thing about Shelly to be unduly harsh. Maybe because I'm fat myself? But still, ouch.

Jade said...

Oh and your assumption about those types of conversations taking place all around the globe would be a correct assumption.I heard some girls in the hall at church talking about you guys and your blog, funny stuff.

Allison said...

What if we don't have a facebook? I'm an internet loser like that :D

Mich n Dan said...

It's funny because the whole time I was thinking okay these girls who had the conversation with Ryan are going to be able to figure out who you are because they are in your ward. So good call on altering the conversation, except I don't know they still might be able to figure it out. I freaking loved LOST! My husband and I did the same thing with the first three seasons, it's so addicting.

Mauri said...

ew to smelly people. Glad you got out of there. That's so funny to hear other people talking about your guys blog I'm sure. Totally should have jumped in on the convo. I sure people are talking about you guys everywhere!

Kristin Lee said...

I want you to play the devils advocate next time. It'll be awesome.

Nikki said...

Fat is really relative. Most guys today have bought into the media hyped female defined as rail thin with huge fake boobs. Most rail thin girls have boobs the size of a 12 year old boy and have to compensate because men are used to looking at women who look and dress like strippers. I attended a ward that we called the stripper ward and it was because all the newly married girls looked like strippers. Stuffed turkeys dressed in Shade undershirts. Needless to say the poor Deacons passing the sacrament found it hard to not pitch a tent. Call me jealous I don't give a shit.
Anthropologists have proven that the modern male is the smallest and pussiest male in the history of this earth. Most men according to the report have shrunk both is height and muscle mass. You do the math ladies. It isn't our fault the natural cycle has lent most dudes to look at the shrinking female as well. Some larger male species prefer a little junk in the trunk because they know it means the bigger the better and more cushin for the pushin. Fat? Probably, but according to most retarded males a size 14 is fat, Marilyn Monroe was a size 14 and was the sexiest woman alive even by todays standards. But for some guys that are probably on the small side, it's probably better that they stick to the 10 year old looking girls who have to enhance their features to actually look like a real woman. Walking porn is what a lot of women have turned themselves into just for a shot at getting some attention from an over-sexually stimulated male population. It's all relative to ones own perspective...

Mel said...

Well said Nikki.

Tara said...

Jake, you know I don't like you, but your stock seems to be getting a little higher lately. Like with you watching Lost. Sounds like you had an awesome weekend to me. Tell Calvin I loved the first comment! Ha!

I am worried for you guys, I think you will be found out, and I am nervous. Although, that will make for some really good blog drama... So, I actually can't wait!

Nikki said...

:)

Julie said...

I agree with Tara...it is only a matter of time before you guys are found out. It will make for a great read. I just hope it doesn't harm any of your friendships. However, it would open up some serious dating opportunities.

Anonymous said...

this is totally unrelated to your post....but have you guys ever considered changing your background and text color? the white text on black gives me a headache. i'm sure i'm not alone on this one.

Mel said...

I agree, the white on black is difficult to read.

Blazzer said...

I swear sitting between the stinky foriegner and the fat cool girl in Sunday School happened to me exactly!

Though I agree with Nikki overall, needing to lose 80 to 140 pounds is not Maryln Monroe like fat. Calvin has admitted numerous times that girls probably in the size 14 range are his type of bird.

Also, when we are saying this is so harsh, Jake doesn't call Shelly this name to her face. He is letting us in on a inside joke that happens everywhere in all groups of friends. If not "fat", "creepy", "weird", "ugly", "badly dressed", etc...

Besides seems to me they are having more fun rhyming offensive words to Shelly than actually making fun of her.

Regardless if she needs to loose 80 lbs to look like Monroe... She is fat. Very fat.

-Blazzer

Shelby Lou said...

First, Calivn, I Love You. ( In hopes of starting of better this week.) I seriously love this blog though, if you guys get found out you should email me and I will STILL be friends with you. Just in case, no matter what alright?! haha

Second, holy shelly belly jelly! FREAKING HILARIOUS.

Third, I'm so excited for the ratings to go down. It will make my Christmas just THAT much better. I can't believe THAT many girls want to be rated though, it's pretty intense. I'd like to think I'm different from all the rest of your crazy following fans but I'm probably not.

Fourth, and last... Jake, I love to read your posts, you are so funny. I hope you are the same when you write as when you are in-real-life. Because honestly, you are a rock star. Keep it up dude!

Alright, I'm done now!! BYEEEEE

Shelby Lou

Jessica said...

I actually agree with Nikki.

TechieGirl said...

Found out or not, I like the honesty that you guys have in your posts. I take a risk every time I write in my blog because I don't really hide who I am or who I'm talking about. For a really long time my blog even had my name on it. That only changed because I had some identity theft concerns and the lawyer suggested to change the blog name (Made my mother happy, she's been getting after me for that since I got the blog). Anyway, my point is that even if you're found out, I hope that you keep up the honesty of your posts. I'm just as much of a "womanizing", "mean", "shallow", and every insult that people call you guys type of person, and that's part of why I like reading this blog. Your blog reminds me that there are RMs out there who are men, and all aren't the peter priesthood non-human crazies that it seems like some days. If someone calls you out, then I hope you just keep writing, and let the people who can't see their own behavior in most of your actions stop reading.

Oh and congratulations on making 100 posts.

Jody Lynn said...

I'm with kimkidoni on this one.

Aren't you concerned that the people you overheard will read this and find out who you are, jake?

p.s. i love LOST.

Brittany said...

I have a question about the ratings? If we choose to be rated privatly will you still send the facebook picture choice? or do we only get a number...

Andee said...

When you finally get tired of this blog, you should reveal your identities to us.

Just saying.
It might expand the playing field a bit..

That Chick said...

I'm going to side with busy bee lauren on this one.
You're watching LOST now? Welcome to the cult. Any opportunity to chat up theories etc etc, bring it on.

Seeing as I'm pretty positive I don't know you, it doesn't really matter to me if you're found out, though it would really suck butt for you, Jake. Andrea would likely bust a cap.

Needless to say, that alone would be entertaining of itself.

:)

KatOfDiamonds said...

As well expressed as Nikki's comment was and as much as I love MM... Back in her day Size 14 was actually smaller than today's Size 14... With the changes in fashion and in the world, the inches around would stay the same but the # on the size chart would change.

Ex. in one brand, i am one size. in another brand, another size. or with my shoes... Depending on the style i am 5.5-7 in Womens as well as 4 in kids...

Sorry for the poor typing. i have a cat on my arm

kelleidoscope said...

I just realized, my name rhymes with the belly jelly stuff. At least I'll know what people will call me if I gain weight.

MomBabe said...

Oh whatever with the fat thing. You have to have a physical attraction no matter what. It doesn't matter how nice someone is if you don't want to look at them naked. It doesn't mean you're shallow. It doesn't mean anything other than that you PREFER a slimmer girl. To each their own.

Nikki said...

Kat, I realize Marilyn's 14 was not today's 14, however, there have been some biographies who say she was a 16, which is why I went 14. Any way you slice it, she was bodacious on her own unlike today's manufactured woman. :)N

Amy said...

I sooo don't care about my rating anymore. I was just curious to know, because I thought it would be fun.... but it's not that big of a deal. I know what I look like, and people may or may not like it, but why should I care what you two think? You guys rock, but I don't need to be rated. I think alot of girls want you to rate them so they will feel better about themselves. Those girls who want a rating just for that, really just want attention from you. And they are the ones who will be crushed if they get lower than a 6. It's kinda sad. But that's just my opinion.

I'm lovin your new little pics, guys! Who made those?! Whoever it was has a lot of time on their hands. What a loser...teehee. :)

whyimstillsingle said...

Um, not all skinny girls with big boobs are "manufactured." Don't judge too quickly.

Courtney said...

If you thought the first 3 seasons of "LOST" were life-changing, wait till you watch seasons 4 and 5. Mind blowing. And soooo addictive.

Megan said...

Just one point, if Jake and Calvin go to Church at the U of U institute. Like me! Yay! There are 4 chapels in that building. Which meas in any given 3 hour block there can be as many as 12 singles wards meeting in there at once! If there were 15-20 people upstairs in that sitting area they could have all been in a different ward. Jake knows what he's doing I don't think they have to worry at about being caught even if the convo was written verbatim.

I totally accused some guys in my ward of being you guys too. But now there's no way they are as funny as you are.

Hate the white on black too.

Alexandria said...

Whoa...I love the honesty. But man alive that was harsh...I guess that is what makes you boys fabulous.

Have fun going through all of your rating requests! I feel bad for some of the girls who want one because at least a few are going to get their feelings hurt. Sad. No rating needed over here in my neck of the woods!!

Anonymous said...

K, I don't know which one of you homos commented on BBL- but that was seriously perverted! You're supposed to be honorable endowed members yet you are hitting on a married girl, wanting her clothes to be see-through?!??! YOU disgust me! Freaking find your own woman and quit hitting on a married girl, sicko.

Calvin said...

Anonymous 8:49pm:

That was me.

Nikki said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nikki said...

I smell a rat

Anonymous said...

I have to say I laughed out loud at this post! Sorry for those that got offended but, it has been proven that being as little as 10 lb. over-weight does impact health and increases chances for various diseases (cancer, diabetes, heart disease etc.) Whether you like it or not we are all judged on our appearance (guys included) as it gives a fairly accurate picture of our lifestyle and some of our life choices and values. Whine all you want but, that's the way it is even in mormon world.

Jessica said...

what's BBL?

Jade said...

Oh I love all the anonymous comments, they crack me up.

Jade said...

BBL is busybeelauren

Jimmy Jones said...

Sorry, Jade! I was 9:19, didn't know I could put a name in and as I'm not on Blogger really doesn't matter anyway I guess....

Paula said...

After almost half an hour of reading the deleted comment above (9:09 PM), I'm still appalled. I have no words. I read it several times to be sure that I really understood what I was seeing. Sadly, I wasn't mistaken.

Paula said...

On other matters, I love your blog, guys! You remind me of one of my best guy friends. Both of you are just hilarious. I'm sorry that my first comment was that but I was (and sill am) shocked.

I'm really looking forward for what you are up next!

~kiMbeRLy~ said...

I have said it before and I will say it again...I love reading the comments as much as reading your blog. You guys are too funny! I love how people are worried about you anonymity even though you said that you altered the conversation. Hello...Like you would't think about that first! Anyway. Keep the good stuff coming...I can't wait for the ratings!!!

Mormon Bachelor Pad said...

Sorry, Paula... but I have no idea what your first comment was about.

Autumn said...

What is with all these stupid haters? Honestly? Why do you continue to read the blog? But, keep them coming. The stupid comments keep this blog going and totally keep the drama level high. As for the BBL comment, I found it hilarious and real. These boys are REAL. They aren't going to pretend to be someone they arent. So get over it.

Jade said...

Jimmy Jones, sorry wasn't meaning you. I was referring to 8:49 with my comment, the anonymous hater comments crack me up, I'll be sure to be more specific next time.

Natalie said...

Lost?!?! YEAHHH!!

(Lauren, you stole what I was going to say. Thanks, twin<33 If it were anyone else I'd harass em' via facebook poke.)

Anonymous said...

Ok, you guys are freakin' douche-bags; especially Calvin for his comment on Busy Bee Lauren. I don't read this blog, and never will. I have a number of friends that go between your and BBL just to make fun of both your blogs. I have seen enough. If you faggots weren't sifting out all of her "bad" comments she would get a piece of my mind as well. If your nuts ever drop and you grow up and actually can trick a girl into marrying you I hope that some immature losers tell her that they wish they could see through her clothes. Are you freakin kidding me. If you are going to have "Mormon" in the name of your blog maybe you should censor your immoral thoughts for a married woman. You and BBL have gone too far. If Ted had any balls he would kick your asses. You deserve it. I can't believe that people waste their lives reading about how you suck at yours.
...oh and people like Autunm can shampoo my crotch. What the hell?

Mormon Bachelor Pad said...

Anonymous 10:10,

FYI: You accidentally put an "s" on the end of "friend".

-c

Nikki said...

Holy crap! So much talk about balls, douche bags, crotches, swearing, nuts dropping...good grief! LMAO!! and then an immoral thought lecture! I love it...keep bringing it anonymous, you are freaking hilarious. I love a total bitch slap from a complete retard!

Nikki said...

I keep refreshing like a freaking crack whore...

Jade said...

10:10 if you don't read this blog, why are you reading it tonight and posting on it? Just sayin.

Autumn said...

Shampoo my crotch? Wow. Talk about immoral? I'm pretty sure that is worse then anything MBP and BBL will ever talk about. You just need to get over yourself. You are probably just one of those lame girls that have tried becoming close with MBP, and they rejected you. That or you honestly have nothing better to do with your life then stalk their blogs and envy that no matter how hard you tried, you will never be as good as them. Get over yourself and grow up. The comments you made were completely out of line, but personally, they made me laugh. It's people like you that make it so that MBP and BBL have such loyal fans like many of our girls. haha. Wow. That made my night.

Autumn said...

P.S. you mispelled my name. If you're going to attempt to diss on me, make sure you know how to spell first. Maybe then I'll take you seriously.. wait, maybe not.

Amy said...

Okay, you anonymous haters are too funny. Anonymous 10:10 what could you possbily have against BBL?....she's, like, adorable. You must just be jealous of her. And the MBP guys are 20-something year old guys. Mormon or not OF COURSE they make 'perverted' comments. Get over yourselves...don't read this blog if you can't handle the truth.

But please anonymouses, continue. We love the show here. Sitting down to read the comments on each MBP post is definitely microwave-popcorn worthy.

Kristin Lee said...

Anonymous 10:10 wins at being a hypocrite. Yayyyyyyyy!

Angela said...

Let's guess Anonymous 10:10, MBP rated you a 3 and now you're a little mad?

LOVE this blog. LOVE the comments even more.

Jessica said...

YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!


Seriously. The picking on nice and honest people (such as BBL and MBP) has got to stop.


Those anonymous people must really hate themselves.

Bonnie said...

Jake and Calvin, forget about all the haters. I like MBP. I thought you'd like to know that here in Edmonton, people also drop comments about MBP at institute, and church all the time. You're really making a name for yourself, outside of the utah bubble. But exciting news. I'm headed to utah this week - if you (jake and/or calvin) want to meet up -let me know! I'm headed back to Canada on Sunday, and no one will ever have to know who you are.....think about it...it could be our secret.

Autumn said...

How about all of us fans put bleach into a shampoo bottle. Since all of us like me can go shampoo their crotch, at least when we do, they'll end up in pain ;]

wow. I will really never get over that crap hahahahahahha

Buggsby said...

I love your fights with the anons..... If they have an issue with the blog... no one is forcing them to read it!
As far as shelly... while it was blatant, I wouldn't call it harsh. You all did say that she is really nice, just that, basically, she needs to take better care of herself.

Nate said...

So did you guys change Shelly's name? I guess there are other names that rhyme with smelly, belly, jelly, etc.

Ted said...

anonymous 10:10 - I only have the desire to kick your ass.

Living In Your Letters said...

Way to go Ted! I loved reading your comment. It's like the absent hero just showed up to restore order. You show those anonymous haters what's up. :)

Erin said...

First off... I love you guys! Second off, I find it greatly amusing (oh and if the "anonymous" people are unsure of what amusing means because it is too big of a word, go look it up) that the "anonymous" people are 1. to scared to leave their REAL names with their comment 2. that they have to bash on BBL on the MBP blog, because they know that BBL will delete their comment 3. that their life is so meaningless, and pathetic that they have to pick on someone else, that they have probable never met in their life, just to feel better about themselves. Here is a NEWSFLASH "anonymous" that momentary pleasure you get from bashing on others, WILL ware off! And then where will you be? right back where you started, feeling sorry for yourself. Go get some prozac and leave the rest of us alone!

Jake said...

WOW. A guy spends his sabbath evening in the quiet solitude of someones arms while enjoying a sabbath appropriate film. All the while his blog post is being checkered with hate, blah about blah, and really poor insults. (If you need help with some good offensive insults. That happens to be one of the talents I'm trying hard to hide under a bushel)

What I've noticed everyone is forgetting here is me! Sure, BBL and Calvin are awesome and should be talked about. Ted commenting on our blog is like the first time I was in the same room with David Beckham... (even though that surely wasn't him, I just like pretending) but this is my post! Mine! if your gonna hate, hate on me! Comment on my post and me. Sheesh I would have cried myself to sleep last night had I known the lack of attention I was getting from my own post!

-j

Anonymous said...

No really. I think you're in my ward. I've had a hunch all along, and this post just proved I know who you are. haha

TechieGirl said...

Jake you know we all love you so don't fret. There are plenty of Jake haters and Jake fans that post here, but we do tend to get caught up in our own little worlds when it comes to the comments on this blog...and forget who really wrote it. If you really want I'm sure most of the readers wouldn't have an issue praising or attacking you as both seems prevalent in other posts. =)

Living In Your Letters said...

Sorry Jake. Please accept my apologies. I shall try to be more considerate in the future. Your post was fantastic. I quite enjoyed it. I'd be all for you revealing your identity if it didn't mean the destruction of one of my favorite forms of entertainment.

Bekah Buttons said...

this is spectacular. i love that you overhead a convo about yourselves. that's sure to up the ego a bit!!!

Bekah Buttons said...

also: I love you Ted

Nate said...

Also, it seems like you and Calvin are setting yourselves up for a pretty lame Christmas. Critiquing the looks of girls who are desperate to be noticed by you isn't how I would want to spend my Christmas (especially doing it in a pseudo-scientific manner). Especially if you aren't able to use your notoriety to get with any of the cute ones. Hopefully you find time to enjoy family, friends, the slopes, or whatever you guys like to do when you aren't being blog superstars.

BTW, I'm sure that you could figure out a way to get with the cute ones without compromising your anonymity. Play cyber-stalkers and get acquainted outside of the blogosphere, then go for it. I have to figure that your fan girls are loving you guys for your senses of humor, etc. anyway. After all, you self-identify as only being 6's on the LOS, right? ;-)

Of course, you could also just go out with some of these girls as Jake and Calvin - just wear bags over your heads to keep your anonymity intact. ;-)

Mormon Bachelor Pad said...

Nate, My pink unitard hood might work perfectly for that... hmmm, that is an idea we will have to entertain. Might make for an awkward doorstep scene though.

Oh, and we did Christmas so we had lots of time to do it and have it all done an preposted way before Christmas. There needs to be lots of time and attention put into mistletoe.

Oh and anon that thinks you know me. I'm laughing at what you think you know... go ahead call me out. Call me right now - I'm serious, if you're gonna blackmail me you will have to do it by telephone.

-j

Kevin said...

I think your anonymity is toast. Not because the particular event you described is going to reveal who you are, but because anyone who suspects you correctly has a very easy way to determine who you are: go on a date with you, and wait for the details to show up on the blog.

Nikki said...

Blazzer, I saw your same picture on a guys profile on facebook named Michael...is that some sort of universal pic or are you Micheal M.?

Autumn said...

This all just cracks me up. Jake don't worry about it. There are plenty of Jake haters out there as well, but when they start bashing on A) your fans by calling them by name or B) bashing on a fellow blog like BBL the way they did that's messed up and it makes me laugh. You guys are seriously SO lucky you have loyal fans that take that much crap for the people too scared to post their real names.

~kiMbeRLy~ said...

Wow. I wonder if people like anonymous 10:10 know that they are part of our entertainment. @Jake- sorry that no one is talking about you...you shallow pig! I totally don't mean that...I just wanted to show you some love!

~kiMbeRLy~ said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

LMFAO.

Sara said...

How many students at the U can there be that have a roomate that both went to the Ireland Dublin Mission. We know what High Schools you went to and what years you graduated. You're both toast... which is sad. But hey it sounds like plenty are still willing to roll with ya once the anonymity is gone.

Amy said...

Its pretty sad how all the attention gets taken off the actual post and put onto the commentors. I have no room to talk...look at what I posted earlier. But honestly, Jake is right. He hasn't really gotten any attention for what he actually posted. Instead, the anonymous loser haters are stealing the spotlight.

I actually thought this post was hilarious. Imagine the people who had that conversation about you reading this post. They're probably DYING right now knowing that you were right next to them yesterday, and they had NO idea. Ohmygosh. If I was one of them I would probably be freakin out as I read this. I'd be trying so hard to picture who was near me at the time. But I'm sure you guys will be able to keep the anonymity for at least a little while longer. Who knows?

20 Something said...

Jake exactly who's arms were you entertaining this past sabbath? Am I the only one who noticed that ?

Paula said...

No, you weren't! I actually wondered about that before all of this started. Jake, now I am the one who is curious :)

Nate said...

I'm sure there will be a post about it in the near future.

Shelby Lou said...

Dear Jake,
I can explain the I LOVE YOU thing. I'm not sure if you read my blog or not though... maybe you will have to to understand.

WHO'S ARMS?! WHAT MOVIE!? seriously, I'm trippin' who could it be? Harper?! PLEASE OH PLEASE NO!

Freddy said...

Wow, this entry could gain you more comments than the Andrea letter post. I mean, between the Smelly Shelly comment, the ratings and the potential loss of your anonymity this basically encompasses every issue.

If that makes any sense...

Anonymous said...

http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/20091109/sc_livescience/postingpicsonlinewhatyourphotossayaboutyou

haha.

Anonymous said...

Anon 4:50
URL is wrong. Doesn't work.

Samantha Kay said...

I think you guys are awesome for rating girls and I think the girls that are agreeing to be rated publicly are even more awesome.
This whole thing is a fabulous idea because it will give us all an idea of your two's taste in women and make your blog that much better when we read future stories.
Good thinking boys.

Blazzer said...

Nikki,

My profile pic is that of Nigel Tufnel the character from the movie "This is Spinal Tap" a film that I love. He is played by Christopher Guest who has reprized the role as recently as this year on late night shows in the US. He's been my favorite for a while - especially since we share the same first name. So your friend Michael and me both love Nigel Tufnel.

Nikki said...

Thanks Blazzer! I thought I had an identification coup on my hands...nice pic anyway! :)N

TechieGirl said...

Blazzer,

You just became my favorite commenter for loving my favorite movie!

Ryan Hadlock said...

I'm just happy you guys are at the U and not BYU, makes this SO much better!

Nate said...

Am I the only one who gets curious what these "Comment Deleted" comments actually said?

Tiffy J. said...

I get curious too Nate.
And I was curious about my rating...but not curious enough to jump through hoops. Sorry guys! But I do plan to continue reading even if you lose your anonymity...that is if you still plan on writing this.
This is my favorite homework procrastinating tool. Also, I just enjoy seeing how at least you two guys think...even if I don't think it's how other guys think.

Lula! said...

Wait...
Screw this rating shiz. (Yes, I threw some Christian cussing up on your blog. Love me through it. It's very Baptist of me.)

YOU'RE WATCHING LOST????????

Best show in the history of ever. EVER!!!!! EVER EVER EVER!!!!!

See how much I love it? Dude...I even blog about it. No, really. I'm hardcore.

Please...can we have a discussion about Lost where we lose our shiz over the brilliance that is that show?

Thank you.
God Bless.



p.s. I would never allow you to rate me. Because you really can't rate a woman FULLY unless you've been intimate with her. Yeah, I said that. And I'm sticking to it. You gotta know her skills. Yeah, I said SKILLS. For the record, my husband rated me an 11. Start praying for an 11 of your own. It's worth it.
Bwahahahahaha.

Lizz said...

It sounds like multiple guys have been accused of being the authors of MBP - has anyone accurately accused one or both of you?

Jake - your mom must be pretty cool, there are a LOT of things you have posted that I would NEVER want my mom to know about me.

Lorelei said...

Ooh maybe I should get myself rated! Then I could blog about being rated by complete strangers. At least it'd be honest!

Sweet Disorder Photography and Design said...

HAHAHAHA!! I made it all the way through the whole thing without laughing out loud and giving myself away as not doing anything productive.... until I got to the "you accidentally added an s onto friend!" That was so freaking hilarious! I busted up out loud. Oh, dear. That was a good one.

Katie said...

Your anonymity and secret desire to be discovered reminds me of writers for the 100 hour board. 'Cept, you are a whole freakin' lot cooler than them.

What a terrible burden to hold...not being able to meet girls off of your anonymous blog. haha