Saturday, November 14, 2009

Becca Continued...

I looked at the clock on the dash of my car and it says 3:32am. Which means it's really 2:32. I didn't correct it at daylight savings because I can't be bothered to figure out how. Across from me sits Becca. We have just pulled into the driveway after our first ever date.

Becca and I joined Nick, Aaron, and their dates. We did dinner, bowling, and ended up watching a movie (Fired Up) back at our place. As always the date was a good time. Nick and Aaron make for good dating companions. It was so late because we fell asleep on the love seat before the movie got over.

When I pulled up to Becca's apartment to drop her off, she was talking about an annoying customer that had come into her work that day. I was paying just enough attention to be able to say "Uh huh" and "Really?" occasionally so that she thought I was listening to her. Truthfully I was thinking about what I was going to do over the next 10 minutes.

First, was I going to kiss her? Becca is really cute. She has a very light pasty complexion. Her hair is dark almost black and her eyes are a dark blue. She does have really thin lips. Thin enough that they almost disappear when she laughs, which she does a lot, not only because I am consistently hilarious, but probably because she has a great laugh and knows it. I don't really like super thin lips especially with lipstick as bright red as hers is but they aren't a deal breaker by any means. I sat there and she was laughing (at herself) and put her hand on my leg while she said, "Oh you should have seen the look on her face." I figured that meant I could kiss her without being rejected.

Becca continued with her story.

Second, would I kiss her in the car or on the doorstep? My cars center console made for less than ideal make outs but then if I did kiss her it would probably be a brief "first kiss" kind of deal, so the console wouldn't matter. It's cold outside... really cold, so a doorstep kiss would ensure something brief. It may be cold enough though that she wouldn't want to kiss at all. She may opt for a quick hug and then hurry inside. Becca said, " know what I mean?" I responded, "Uh huh."

Becca continued her story.

Third, what about Sanders? Just last night after my birthday bash* Sanders and I got horizontal for a lip chapping couple of hours. What obligation, if any did I have to her? Or to Becca? Or, as I'm sure some enlightened individual will point out, to myself? I looked at the clock and it was 9 minutes to 3, the thought popped into my head, "Obligation? What obligation?"

Becca was still going.

I tried to focus in on what Becca was talking about. She said, "...she was freaking out! I mean if she called me she must have been desperate because I don't have kids. What do I know?" I had no idea what she was talking about. Luckily Becca continued, "I told her though, that if a child is crying that uncontrollably for that long she should probably take him to the emergency room." I said, "What did she say to that?" Becca said, "Well she's my older sister so she doesn't listen to me, but..." Right about then, "Hero" by Enrique Iglesias started playing.

Becca continued.

Why do I have "Hero" on my iPod? Well, I love it. Because it reminds me of one of my earliest encounters with the opposite sex (after I knew there was a difference) There was a group of kids who would all ride bikes and jump trampoline and just hang out all the time in my neighborhood. At age 12, I was one of the oldest in this group. There was a girl named Heather who was my age too. She might even be considered my first crush. My memory was interrupted for a sec when Becca laughed, " was so funny. Have you ever heard anything like that?" I replied, "No, that's hilarious."

Becca continued some more.

I got right back into my memory. One summer night me and Heather were lying in the field by our house looking at the stars and talking about every little thing. Heather told me that she had started her period. I didn't know exactly what that meant at the time. I mean, I was 12. I knew it was part of growing up and specific to girls and involved tampons - okay so basically the same things I know about it now. Anyway, through the course of our conversation Heather followed up that news by asking me if I had had a wet dream yet. I had not, I wasn't even sure I knew what it was. She then said, "If we have sex we should do it before you have a wet dream so I don't get pregnant." Yes, we were 12 years old when that happened, I kid you not.

Becca continued.

As Enrique cried, "I will stand by you, forever!" I mused that I didn't even have the nerve or knowledge to kiss Heather let alone have sex with her back then. However her mentioning the possibility made me sort of fall for her. I don't know why, I was a kid. Over the next year I would try and do little things to let her know I liked her. Things besides punching her in the arm and stuff. At on point decided to "write" her a poem. "Hero" had just come out and I copied verbatim the lyrics to "Hero" on a piece of notebook paper. I'm not sure why I didn't think she'd find out, guess I was a stupid kid. She loved it, and believed I had wrote it. Until one day I was over at her house and her older sister ratted me out for my pathetic plagiarism. I was so embarrassed I remember crying in my room vowing to never be fake or lie to a girl again. Heather made fun of me for being so fake and we drifted apart. Then she got knocked up by some new kid in the neighborhood when she was 15.

Becca's voice faded in again.

Becca was like, "Really we should go there sometime together I think you would really like it." I smiled and said, "For sure. Hey thanks so much for coming tonight it was the most fun I have ever had... ever!" The clock read 4:23am (so 3:23) and I realized I was sitting there being fake. Forty minutes of Becca talking to me, and I had no clue what on earth she had been talking about. I realized how fake I often was. I wondered if I needed to get caught more often like I did with Heather. I decided not to kiss her that night, because obviously, I wasn't into her really. I've sort of convinced myself that I decided not to kiss her because of the vow that hearing "Hero" reminded me of. It may have just been because I was so tired. Had we got to her house 2 hours earlier I don't know if things would have ended the same.

I walked Becca to her door and gave her a hug. She said, "I had so much fun." I said, "Me too." She said, "You're a really good listener." I said "You too."

'Blast' I thought, 'That was fake... and funny how fake rhymes with Jake.' Becca's a cool chick, but I just don't see anything real happening that wouldn't be just because I wanted to snog her.

I drove home with Hero on repeat reminiscing.


*Birthday Bash: included about 40 of my closest friends, food, beverage, Wii, and a wicked huge game of twister with 4 twister mats, which we played twice and I won both times. I'm not very flexible, but I have gargantuan legs. I'm not just using the word gargantuan to change things up. They are big like tree trunks. The only people I have ever met with thicker legs than me are my two brothers and Tongans. The stability legs like mine offer coupled with my bubble butt makes me an excellent twister player.


Lauren said...

I bet Ted tunes me out when I tell him stories. This thought doesn't make me particularly sad, because I think everyone tunes someone out every once in a while. Aint no thing...

Heather sounds like a whack-a-doo. 'nuff said.

This post was so wonderfully constructed. I am seriously so impressed. Mad props, my friend!

Paula said...

I thought I was the only one capable of chatting with my brain and saying "Huh, huh." and "Ok." to whichever person is with me.

You really did surprised me with this post. It is somewhat serious. Not that I didn't think you were incapable of it. I just didn't expect it.

I miss Twister. No one ever plays it.

20 Something said...

i Dont think tuning out a girl makes you fake, I think most guys do it. And most girls are aware of it when it is happening, but they will keep talking to get things off there chest or to keep things from being awkward. But good on you for not snogging her when you realized you were not into her.

Love your post, They are very well written and fun to read. :)

shirley elizabeth said...

Eh, I wasn't that impressed. It's the same story anyone who's ever dated has lived through. Minus the twelve year old trying to get in your pants. You liked her for that?

I go back and forth with you guys. Makes me think of "Just when I thought you couldn't possibly be any dumber, you go and do something like this... and totally redeem yourself," except for backwards of that. So much I'm morally offended by, but also a bunch that reminds me of some of the more uninformed relationships I got into. Gross.

Lizz said...

After reading that you have tree trunk legs and a bubble butt - I'm pretty sure you rated yourself way too high on the LOS!

I enjoyed the Jr. High flashback! That is a classic!

TechieGirl said...

I used to tune out my ex all the time, and he did the same with me. We both would laugh about it because we knew each other well enough to know when the other was doing it. Didn't mean that we didn't love each other, but we definitely had different interests.

Man, yesterday just seemed to be a pretty fun but serious night for most of the people I know for real and apparently online too. Something must be in the air. lol

Heather said...

Hilarious, Jake. I'm glad you didn't kiss her. Not only because Sanders is way more awesome, but because Becca sounds like a dud.

Nate said...

"Becca was like, "Really we should go there sometime together I think you would really like it." I smiled and said, "For sure. Hey thanks so much for coming tonight it was the most fun I have ever had... ever!""

Careful, Jake, you just agreed to take her to the Ice Capades, or the Nutcracker, or something else that you don't really want to do. That's the danger of going into "uh-huh" mode.

Jade said...

Nice post Jake. But I don't really care for this Becca girl, she's just not that entertaining. Sanders is WAY more entertaining, and I like her alot more. Your Heather story was interesting.... I don't know really what to think of it other than Whoa.... haha

So did you say you have a bubble butt and tree trunk legs, to try and get girls to look at guys butts everywhere they go, so they can figure out who you are? Or was it just for entertainment purposes at church? haha

Hailee said...

Um...did you really use the word "pasty" to describe a girl you think is cute?

Lorelei said...

"How do you spell fired up?!"
"No, not really."

LOVE that movie...instant classic!

xoxo Lorelei

That Chick said...

good call on not kissing her. props to you.

Kris said...

I love this blog only to help me teach my daughter what to expect from guys when she's old enough to date. From this post I will teach her to expect good dialog interaction from her date.

Also, I don't know of any 12 year old girl that would blatantly ask a 12 year old boy if he has had a wet dream!! Then follow up with "If we have sex we should do it before you have a wet dream so I don't get pregnant." Sorry, but I don't buy that at all. Nice try there Fake Jake.

Alexandra said...

Oh man, Enrique Iglesias. When my friends and I used to listen to him, it was for the sole purpose of making fun of his songs. And saying his name, because it's a fun name to say.

I'd have to say that it's probably a good idea to not kiss someone you're not terribly interested in.

kelleidoscope said...

The only Enrique Iglesias song I can handle is Do You Know, and only because of Rob and Big.

Becca sounds like a....talker. She actually sounds kind of boring, but what do I know.

Alexandria said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Alexandria said...

As I read about Heather I was thinking, 'Hmmm...I bet that chick was a mommy by 16' a few sentences later my suspicions were confirmed! Who even knows what a wet dream is at 12?! Crazy...

Glad you didn't smooch Becca although you probably totally agreed to go get a mani/pedi with her.

I am all about Sanders! She is my new favy MBP girl!

Alexandra said...

Also, the blog is looking really great! I like the layout a lot.

Kristin Lee said...

Becca sounds annoying. I don't know, you'd think she'd pick up that you just really weren't paying attention and stop talking or something. I agree with the majority, I like Sanders way more.

I really like the way this post was set up, I totally do this to people all the time.

Allison said...

I love this post! Not because I like Becca or Heather (even though I think the Heather comment was REALLY funny).. it's because it was SO WELL WRITTEN! :D Props.

seanm said...

I agree with whoever said 'pasty' above. I got into uh huh mode on my way down to the post a link link and saw that and think I agree. I don't think describing a girl as pasty is complimentary and I think it's a good sign that you're not that into her. Especially because you were in uh huh mode on the first date - techie girl mentioned (i was still paying attention at that point) that she and her ex did it all the time - but I'd guess that was after they'd dated a while, but one would think, if you were really into her, you would have been much more involved (even as just a listener).
Finally, I agree with everyone else who said that Sanders is the way to go. I like that you spent hours in a lip-chapping session. Goes to show that not all female RMs are like "anonymous 9:53" (see calvin's post from monday), as I had previously thought.

Autumn said...

Jake, Becca is weird. How can she possibly talk for 40 minutes with only input from you here and there and NOT know you're not listening to her? It's pretty obvious when guys aren't listening. but, I dont blame you for not listening. I have a best friend like this, and honestly on the phone, I never listen to a word she says, EVER. But whatever. I'm still all for Sanders. Seriously. She's a different kind of RM. Go for her :]

YMA said...

Great post. I have come to the conclusion that if this blog isn't real then its a genius literary assignment for some poor college student trying to get through class....but I really hope its real :) And..I was hooked on every word until you started describing yourself with 'gargantuan' legs and a bubble butt. haha, I know you have better, more attractive words to use, Jake!

Ditch Becca and get with Sanders.

Kelly said...

That was a very mature step you just made there Jake. You can learn from your mistake.
Then who knows what kind of man you will make.

(an original lame poem for you)....

Maggie said...

Heather was probably molested as a child. The fact that she was already talking about sex at age 12, and having it by age 15 is an excellent indicator. My heart goes out to her.

Tara said...

Fake Jake!!! You'll never be able to live that down...

Anonymous said...

Yawn.... ZZZzzzzZZZzz


Craig Barlow B. said...

Who talks uninterupted for 45 minutes?

Lost and Confused said...

So, I enjoy reading your blog, and reading the comments. However, there is something I am confused about. All my life I have been taught that kissing a girl is meant to be reserved for when you truly like her, like if you are steadily dating. Heck, there's even the council given by President Kimball to not kiss in casual dating.

Obviously, that's not possible. But there are some environments, such as at BYU, where the mere public mentioning of kissing on the first date is either a joke, or followed up by being judged.

So thus I'm confused on how to go about it, because although I'd like to be able to kiss a girl I go out with, I'm not sure how she'd take it.

So how do you know if the girl has the view that kissing is meant for only steady boyfriend/girlfriend relationships, or if they are more lax about the rule? Do you judge based on physical contact, like Jake did when Becca put her hand on his leg, or is there something else?

And the question goes out to everyone, not just Jake and Calvin

siovhan said...

I agree with Lauren. Heather does sound like a whack-a-do.

And kudos on not kissing her -- even if you're blaming it on Hero. I like that you didn't decided to be fake and just mack her to mack her.

OH! Even bigger Kudos on snogging Sanders. Stick with that one, homie.

Girl101 said...

Firstly, what the hell does 'props' mean and why does everyone keep using it??

Second, lost&confused, yes, I think you have to go off each others signals. There isn't really any sure fire formula that can be applied to every situation (unfortunately).
Even within the church people have different standards, so one girl that thinks a kiss on the first date is no big deal.. the next girl thinks kissing should be saved for marriage.

Never a simple answer.

Third, Becca likes the sound of her own voice - never a good sign.

Bekah Buttons said...

this was the best post you've written Jake! love it!

Anonymous said...

I feel like that it is a lot easier to be a good listener when you don't actually have to listen. Because seriously sometimes all someone wants to do is tell a story and all they need is a hmm... and an ok to keep on trucking.

KatOfDiamonds said...

GREAT movie choice!

Sorry to her but Becca seems like no big loss..

Katie said...

Meh, I think everyone tunes out their date every now and then. I'm the worst at it, but more with people in general. When someone starts going on with a story that lasts longer than 2 minutes, I will likely tune out.

Anyways, good move with not kissing her. My respect for you has skyrocketed. Kind of.

And by the way, yesterday I showed this blog to a few friends. They were absolutely appalled. One of my man-whore friends was like "And I thought I was bad!" So congrats, you've officially made a man whore feel holy. haha.

Blazzer said...

Ugg, I've had to read the last three posts to get caught up, and I may just have to stop commenting, because when I do I read the other comments and some of them are so dumb.

Ladies, though everyone tunes people out. Some guys are better than others. My guess is that Jake could fool most all of you. His writing proves he's too smart to daftly let on he's ignoring you.

Speaking of daft! Just because you have not heard of a 12 year old talking about her period and sex does not mean it doesn't happen. Unless you know everything - if so, my bad.

Lots of people talk uninterrupted for 40+ minutes. When the person listening is good at asking questions and acting interested.

Becca so far has been described as cool, smart, funny, and cute. Her flirty text exchange in an earlier post was applauded now everyone thinks she's boring?

Man whore? Jake has kissed 4 girls in 6 months. Your man whore friend must be the worst man whore alive if he is "appalled"

Yeah, I have a lot to say and maybe I am delirious because it's after midnight. Please offer a rebuttal.

Great post Jake I find I relate far more with you than with Calvin. I think the world of you both though, and hope I am just cranky, because if I have to bash your fans for being, as Nikki's put's it so well "retarded"... I will just have to stop alltogether.


Anonymous said...

your blog has really "spiced" things up for me and my hubby. it reminded us what it was like when we were first dating and made out all the time.

Anonymous said...

Aww, you just might be growing up Jake.

Also, just for the record, I believe your Heather story - my little sister had a similar story about a couple of kids from school when she was 12. It's worse now that she's 15. But we're not from Utah, and there are only a few members at her school.

Marci Darling said...

Jake, this is your best post yet!!!

Cathy said...

Obviously not that into Becca. Which I can support. As can I support not kissing her.

I agree, Sanders sounds cool, and reminds me of my friend that just put her papers in. She will be this kind of sister missionary - which is a props to her for the record because she's going to be a gorgeous missionary that all the elders wonder what must be wrong with her since she's on a mission, but I think she'll drive them crazy with her flirting too... I was going to post about this when you were talking about Sanders originally but here works just as well... My friend is going on a mission because she can't figure out what she really wants to do with her life and she's had a couple serious relationships not turn out that have thrown her off a little so I feel like sometimes the good looking sisters go out in order to clear their heads and kinda clean the slate in a sense. That's my opinion anyways and at least one example.

And to lost&confused:
I agree with Girl101. Even living the "same standards", every girl is different. (Let's not go back to the tank top debate, but point in case.) I for one haven't kissed anyone I haven't dated, but that's just how it's worked out - I don't usually spend too much time alone with guys I don't wanna date that would try to kiss me, and I don't really support first or second date kisses because I think it's awkward.

Sorry this was so much longer than I meant it to be...

Zabes-Yap said...

The worst is if they ask you a direct question.... At that moment you only have a few options:

a) confess you weren't listenin
b) try to make something up
c) (my personal favorite) Pretend to see something... or remember something really funny and say "Remind you I have to tell you something later.... Sorry what did you ask?"
-Normally with this situation they'll let you talk about it... so you better think quick on your feet

Anonymous said...

Hey Blazzer - you are an anonymous commenter because you have a fake picture of yourself (which you even admitted) and you hide your blog on your profile. Just saying.

Saydee said...

I feel bad for any girl who goes out with you and thinks that you may be interested in them. Let alone them being interested in you. If they only knew your true self.