Monday, November 2, 2009

First Date Deets

Long Post Alert

I've been on a lot of dates in my life. Some good. Some bad. Most mediocre. I realize I have a lot of first dates in my future (probably) but I can safely say that my first date with Tori on Friday night was the best first date of my entire life. Maybe even the best date ever... first or otherwise.

One of the best parts of our evening was the fact that I had spoken with Tori about all of my "first date" preparations. It made for easy dialogue throughout the night. For example, when we were walking into the restaurant for dinner, as we stepped onto the curb from the parking lot and into the front doors, I made my first physical contact of the evening. I gently placed my hand on the small of her back... only for a few seconds. (On Thursday, when I talked to Tori on the phone, I mentioned that I usually get pretty nervous when it comes to physical flirtation. I explained how I'm pretty good with the flirty conversations, but I freeze up when verbal flirting turns to physical flirting. She seemed surprised that I was telling her what to expect on our first date, but also seemed to be thoroughly enjoying the honesty. I told her that I'd at least put my hand on her back a few times to warm her up. She said something like, "Well... that's a good start.")

So after we had spoken to the hostess, Tori looked at me, smiled, leaned in little bit and asked, "Did you put your hand on my back as we were coming in?" She moved out far enough to see me nod my head in feigned embarrassment. She leaned back in. "Nice move, Calvin." I replied, "Thanks. It was harder than I made it look."

Conversation was great during dinner. I don't think I realized just how popular she is. She only graduated from high school a few months ago and so she still hangs out with all of her high school friends... like, all the time. I acted like I cared about her friends even though I really just wanted to hear about her. I asked a lot of questions and I tried really hard to listen to and absorb her answers. I wanted to be able to ask more specific questions later on that night just to point out how attentive I'd been to our original conversation.

After dinner we went to Laffing Stock. I like to take dates there pretty often so I can get a feel for their sense of humor as well as hear their genuine, intense belly laugh. It worked perfectly. Tori was laughing at everything that I was laughing at. She really got a kick out of the bodily function humor, which was definitely a plus. Several times during the show, I scanned her arm/hand placement. I noticed early on that Tori had placed her hand on the armrest between us. No matter how much she laughed or how much she readjusted her position in the seat, Tori's hand was almost always in the same place. It was like it was screaming, "Hold me, Calvin. Reach out and put your hand on top of me... please!" I don't know why I didn't, but I was petrified. It was, like, the perfect hand-hold greenlight and I didn't take it. One time, near the end, I actually noticed her hand was palm up. Holy crap, Calvin! What's your problem?

The comedy show ended and Tori and I started walking the two blocks to my truck. We were talking quietly about the hilariousness of the show. I noticed that she was walking really close to me and her hand kept bumping into my hand. I got chills down my spine every time it bumped. Finally, when we were about 20 yards away from my truck, I went for it. As soon as my hand bumped hers, (with open fingers) she grabbed it and started laughing. "Holy cow, Calvin! What took you so long?" I started laughing (and blushing... thank goodness for darkness). "I'm so sorry, Tori. I'm such a spaz." "I was giving you some serious greenlights. Didn't you see them?" "I saw them, Tori. I don't know what my problem is." Just then we got to the truck. I took my keys out of my pocket and unlocked her door. She was waiting for me to open her door, but I just stood there looking at our intertwined fingers, both of us stroking each other's hands as best we could while still periodically squeezing the other's hand.

"What's the problem?" My reply: "Yeah. When I open your door, I'm going to have to let go of your hand. I'm not sure if I'm ready to do that yet." I realized after I'd said it that it must have sounded like I was the cheesiest, homo-est person in the world. Tori smiled at me and didn't say anything. I waited five seconds, sighed and opened her door. "Ok, Tori. I'm ready now." Tori climbed in the car, but when I tried to let go of her hand, she squeezed tighter preventing me from letting go. She looked up at me and said, "I'm not sure if I'm ready, either." Trust me. It sounds much stupider as I'm typing it, but at the time it was the most amazing thing she could have said.

She let go eventually and I asked if she wanted to come to my work. I told her that I had roof access and we could go to the top of my building for while and talk, since it was relatively early. We went to the roof of my building and we talked for about 45 minutes. It was a great opportunity for me to ask all of the follow up questions regarding her family and friends that I'd been planning. We got pretty cold, though, and the whole "let's go to the roof" thing was spontaneous so I didn't come prepared with a blanket (mental note: always have a blanket in the truck). We left and I started to drive her home.

On the way home, Tori remembered the other things I'd told her I do to prepare for first dates. She reached behind the passenger seat and found my Winnie the Pooh stuffed animal. (I always try to strategically place in my vehicle something from my childhood. It shows my date that I have a sensitive, child-like innocence. It also says that I have the capability to "attach" to something, and that ability to "attach" can easily transfer from an inanimate stuffed animal to a long-term, committed relationship.) She laughed at the lengths I was going to in order to impress her. Then I sprung a new one on her. I asked Tori if she would grab me a piece of gum out of the glove box. She opened it up and couldn't help but notice a laminated copy of my Patriarchal Blessing sitting atop my pack of Pina Colada Orbit. "What's this?", she asks. "Oh sorry, Tori. That must be the copy of my Patriarchal blessing that I carry around with me for when I'm having a bad day. Don't read it, though. It might say something about you." That was probably the highlight of the evening. She laughed like it was the funniest thing anyone had ever said to her.

When we got to her house, we ended up just sitting in the driveway talking. Tori lives with her parents and siblings so we didn't really have anywhere else to go. We sat there for another hour, talking, laughing, holding hands... sometimes even dozing it seemed. She was tickling the back of my hand and I was moving my thumb across her thumb. It was the most sensual episode of hand holding I've had since I got back from Ireland. I also had my right hand above her head rest playing with her hair. She was closing her eyes breathing deeply while I ran my fingers through her hair over and over.

After the hour had passed, we both looked at the clock and noticed it was approaching 2am. I told Tori that I should probably go and let her get some sleep. She didn't say anything. She just looked down at our hands. After a couple of minutes, without looking up, Tori said, "Calvin, can you do something for me? It might seem like a weird request, but just think about it before you answer." I answered, "Tori, this date has gone so amazingly well, you can ask me to do anything and I'll do it." She hesitated for a few seconds and then asked, "Will you come inside with me and play with my hair while I fall asleep?"

I did not hesitate in my reply. In fact, I think I might have started answering before she had finished asking the question. "There is nothing I would rather do than play with your hair while you fall asleep, Tori." I was filled with nervous excitement. I was so nervous I could barely hide my quivering voice.

I sat on a chair next to Tori's bed while she got ready. I didn't snoop. I just surveyed as best I could from my vantage point. It was a pretty surreal experience. I watched her take her pajama's into the bathroom. I heard her brushing her teeth. She came back into the room wearing a tank top and some long pink plaid bottoms. It was easily one of the sexiest things I'd ever seen. She laid down in bed and I sat on the edge of her bed and we started talking again. She smelled like toothpaste. I don't think I'll ever forget that. She kept telling me how much fun she had on our date. She told me that I'm better than my dad had said. She told me that I'm hilarious. She told me that she can't wait to see me again. Each one of these statements got quieter and quieter, until she stopped talking. I played with Tori's hair for a few more minutes and then I walked out to my truck. I actually sat in my truck for about 20 minutes trying to decide if I'd just dreamed the whole entire date... beginning to end.

I tried not to think about how many guys she'd invited to play with her hair in the past. In fact, it didn't even cross my mind until Jake asked me. I don't even want to know.

Calvin

143 comments:

Kelsie said...

FIRST!
Ok now I have to go read it.

The Boob Nazi said...

Was it awkward trying to sneak out of the house after she fell asleep?

Kelsie said...

OW OW! Go Calvin!
She sounds like a keeper!

ChloƩ said...

wow, i felt like i was watching a chick flick or something while reading this. haha, sounds like an awesome first date. i am curious too, was it weird sneaking out? i wish my parents would have let me have boys come in my room and play with my hair. typing that sounds really creepy. but you know what i mean. anyway, tori seems like your type. you guys just seem to fit together.

Bekah said...

awww.. young love! love it!!

i kinda wish you had gotten caught in her room- that would've added the needed drama.

so glad it went well!

Lauren said...

Was her room near the front of the house? Because I was cringing from the thought of it being awkward navigating around. Did you steal a snack from the fridge as you were leaving? I might have.

Anyway...Team Calvori! I love it. She seems so sweet and fun. I'm so glad it went well!

Blazzer said...

I'm going to throw this out there right now. I'm not a fan of Tori... I know her type. Ultra flirty! You are going to fall hard for this girl, because she's "so cool" and she is going to be flirting (right in front of you) with every guy she can.

Trust me. It'll be all drama. Snog-er n dog-er mate.

-Blazzer

Jade said...

Oh so cute!!! I loved how it took you so long to hold her hand, it was really cute though. And don't worry about how many other guys have stroked her hair while she falls asleep, all that matters is that you put all the other guys to shame. Nice job Calvin, way to be.

Anonymous said...

Does no one else think it was weird that she asked him to play with her hair in her room where she lives with her parents (AND siblings) whilst she fell asleep? That was weird, Calvin. Way weird. And the fact that you did it. . weirder. Besides that, sounds like a good first date.

Anonymous said...

HAHAHAHAHA DUDE I LOVE YOU MAN!!!!!! YOU HAVE A EUROPEAN/AUSTRALIAN FAN CLUB GOING ON!!!!!!!

Living In Your Letters said...

Haha! I knew it. I told you it could be the best first date of your life. So glad it was. I second Lauren - I'm Team Calvori. :) Thanks for the recap. You write so well - I love reading your posts. So when is date #2?

-V

Bethany said...

Your date sounds like it went awesome and you do kind of sound like Jake a little haha! How was it getting out of her house after she fell asleep?!

Alexandria said...

Awww...the cuteness! Sounds like a great night! And seriously the stuffed animale thing=the funniest thing ever!

Team Calvori all the way!!

colleenroselle said...

"That must be the copy of my Patriarchal blessing that I carry around with me for when I'm having a bad day. Don't read it, though. It might say something about you."
-funny....but you are totally cheeseball. the date was cute! but I think it's weird she asked you to play with her hair while she fell asleep

Lauren said...

Awww, yay! Has she tried to call or text you since then??

I am also on Team Calvori! Can't wait to hear about the next date!

kelleidoscope said...

I've learned.. when you care about someone so much it's better to forget their past flings. I actually figured that one out yesterday the hard way.
But seriously.. that sounds like such an awesome date. It's crazy how much you prepare for these things :)

Nat said...

favorite date recap ever.

Amy said...

Amazing. I like her. Her asking you to play with her hair is really really weird...she said so herself. Ha. But I like her. Sounds like you two had a fantabulous time. You better take that woman out again soon Calvin!

Grand Pooba said...

Oh my gosh, that was awesome, I just couldn't stop myself from commenting!

Go Calvin!

f1trey said...

I love people who know the diiference between hamburger and filet.... coool....

Shelby Lou said...

I like her. I'm not in LOVE with her. I really want an explanation on how you got out of the house, just like everyone else. Plus that IS a really weird request, she did warn you before though. I just don't know how I feel! ummm it seemed like a fun first date though! SCORE.

TechieGirl said...

Glad you had fun man. =)

Anonymous said...

She lives with her parents and wanted you to come in and play with her hair? That is just BIZARRE! How can a girl fall asleep with a guy she really likes next to her, in her room, playing with her hair? Not possible! The date was a keeper until then. Now, not so much.

Ivy said...

That was cute. I'm jealous you played with her hair... I love that. I hope you fill us in on if it was weird to just leave her house at that time of day.... more details, more details... we are drooling over your date!
Cheers~Ivy

CarrieBradshaw* said...

OK I'm sorry Calvin but the whole stuffed animal thing? I'm going to be honest, if I saw that I'd be a little creeped out. Not at all would I get the impression it was your ability to "attach" to a long term relationship haha. I think you should pull that card OUT.
She seems like a great match for you Calvin. Even if does seem kind of weird she just wanted you to play with her hair while she fell asleep.... but hey we all have our fetishes.

heidi lou said...

yeah a little weird that she asked you to come in, I'm not going to lie.

but not so weird that it didn't make me sigh audibly. bahaha.

You win.

nicola said...

Just like everyone else wants to know....

How did you get in and out of the house without her parents and siblings knowing?

Cute date. I think she sounds really sweet.

shirley elizabeth said...

Yeah I agree with Anonymous(s) at 7:57 and 9:06. How dumb was that request?

manda said...

Ok that was my favorite date story ever! Way to go Calvin! She seems really great :)

Mich n Dan said...

Good for you Cal! It sounds like it really could not have gone any better. Now stop driving us all crazy and let us know how you got out of the house already!

Freya said...

I love the hair thing! Everything about this date screams "long term potential". Are you ready?

Miranda said...

nice work Calvin, and stick with Tori because in my own, personal, opinion, I love having my hair played with, but I won't let just anyone touch it. And I DEFINITELY don't let many guys see me in my PJs with no makeup on. I am, however, gonna go with the consensus here and agree that the fact that she invited you into her house where her parents and siblings are asleep is kind of weird. And you having to sneak out afterwards is weird too. But I'm giving this weirdness the benefit of the doubt. So my judgement? Stick with her because it's straight obvious she likes you, a lot. One weird thing doesn't actually mean anything. It's when you've got a whole bunch of them that you've got to be careful you don't obtain an obsessive/stalker-ish girlfriend.

Good luck,
Miranda

christa elyce said...

aw you made me fall in love with your blog! love love love it...i want dates like that!

www.jemappelles-christa.com

Revealing The Minds Of Real Woman said...

Awesome blog! I found your blog through busy bee and love this! Love how honest this is and how you tell every detail of your events!

Freddy said...

Wow, killer. Seriously. I don't think my guy saw me in PJs until sometime after the 7th date.

Katie said...

That is adorable. But...the stroking her hair until she fell asleep part sort of reminded me of Twilight (and I don't mean that in a girly "I love Twilight" way but in a "this is strange, what am I reading" way). :/ I mean, that kind of thing puts me to sleep too, but it's still a strange first date dynamic.

Still, Tori is my favorite, I can't wait for more Tori date stories!

Sierra said...

Props for not kissing her.

KatOfDiamonds said...

wow. just wow.

~kiMbeRLy~ said...

Yay for great first dates...and cheesiness makes memories. She will NEVER forget those moments!

P.S. your commenters are almost as entertaining st your posts!

Alexandra said...

I'm really surprised you didn't smooch her.
And you're a cheesy spaz.

Kristin Lee said...

That was amazing. No joke. Sounds like the perfect date.

Autumn said...

Calvin! Dang boy! You plan too much. I'd say calm down and let things happen. I think the fact that she asked you that is a little weird, but the fact that you had no problem with it is really sweet! You have a sweet, tender side that many of your roommates don't seem to have. Good job. I think you should take it a step farther next date. Maybe kiss her ;] Although she might faint! Good luck and keep us updated. I felt like I was watching a chick flick through that whole thing.

Autumn said...

Oh and one more thing. Take out the patriarchal blessing part though. It's very cheesy, and not original :]

Tara said...

I'm glad your hands made out. Sounds like it was a great date, I think I laughed as hard as Tori with the whole patriachal blessing positioning. Hilarious!!!

Emily said...

Awesome! Yay for a great first date! I really like Tori! Like everyone else, I'm wondering about the whole sneaking out of the house after she's asleep... what if you happened across one of her siblings or her parents? I also LOVE this blog. I'm dating a Non-Mo and this makes it easy when explaining the crazy realm of Mormon dating. He is starting to understand why I'm afraid he'll freak out if I say something that would normally send a Mormon boy off the deep end. Probably not your intended purpose of the blog but keep up the good work.

Rachael said...

way to go calv! was it weird putting her to sleep with her parents home? I already like tori

Anonymous said...

Calvin...

You are so awesome! You MUST explain how you walked out of the house??? It sounds crazy and awkward.

Tell Jake he is a Douche...

Man...this post rocked!

samnhal said...

I like Tori, she's a keeper. I totally wasn't allowed to have boys in my room when I lived at home. This post probably moved your up in the race for best writer/ story teller

Anonymous said...

i totally agree with whoever it was that mentioned the twilight awkwardness... it was cute and romantic and all,but i guess i just have a hard time picturing it. was it awkward?... i don't even know if i would be able to ever ask a guy something like that.. kudos for her.
i will add too, i think next date you should relax and not plan everything and every awkward line, so that she can really get to know you.

Lindsay said...

alright, this girl is a huge flirt. my guess is that she wanted you to play with a lot more than just her hair..

Anonymous said...

That just sounds weird and way too cheesy for me.

Zabes-Yap said...

My father or stepfather would have killed you if they saw you leaving at three thirty or so in the morning.....

For the first date? Sounds a little too much.... She let you see her in her most vulnerable state.... and her parents were in the house.... I thinking this will only lead to no good. Just my thoughts though.

Angela said...

DEFINITELY think she was living out an Edward fantasy. Yikes. I wouldn't have thought it was weird if she didn't live in a house with parents and siblings. I would definitely like to hear your thoughts on if it was awkward or not.. and the sneaking out. Hmmmm

Everything sounded great up until the invite inside. The Pooh bear and laminated patriarchal blessing would have been over the top normally, but somehow you pulled it off and I found it hilarious.

Just please, explain more about this Twilight fantasy of hers.

Natalie said...

Haha that's sweet.

Was the whole "hi-i-live-with-my-parents-please-sneak-out-of-my-house-quietly" situation awkward?

i was waiting for you to say "and as i was leaving, papa bear halted with with a .44"

sounds like a successful date. shabam!

Scott said...

Sounds like 90% of an amazing date.

I am still trying to figure out what is going on with this girl. The whole hair-petting-while-I-fall-asleep thing comes off to me as very strange. And she invites you into her bedroom the first date? Major red flags in my mind.

She is either
a) not so pure
b) absolutely bonkers
c) an elaborate joke set up by Jake and your Dad to teach you a lesson
or
d) all of the above

And this is one of those posts that make me wonder whether this blog is real or a way to get chicks and/or sell a forthcoming book.

Anonymous said...

Hmmmmmm.... not sure how I feel about her. She sounds like a PUH-LAY-UH!

You'll have fun as long as you realize this is a short-term thing. She just graduated high school!! Wow.

Fun date, though. I woulda loved dating a boy like you when I was younger. Oh, wait, I did. AND I married him. :)

Ryan Hadlock said...

Wow, that is WAY too much for a first date. I'm guessing you left out the making out part, because how do you do all that and not even kiss at the door, or kiss goodnight???

Also, maybe stop pointing out to your date all the little things you're doing or when you're nervous as well, just go with the flow, and OMG leave the stuffed animals and Patriarchal Blessing at home, are you kidding me? Or maybe that's just me.

For sure this girl is a stage 5 clinger. This will definitely make for some good blogging, maybe even enough to capture the lead in comments per post.

lilnelablack said...

Ok the whole going into the house to play with her hair was weird yet still the most romantic thing EVER!
This has got to be the best first date in the history of first dates!! Tori is a keeper! : )

Elspeth said...

One word: W00T!!!! I'm really happy for you, it sounds like a perfect date!

Anonymous said...

You sound really lame. I can't believe you went and combed her hair while she fell asleep. What kind of weirdo even asks to do that on a first date? I can't believe some of the comments and how people think this was a good first date... you guys are all weirdos!!!

Molly said...

I still like Tori, despite what other commenters are saying. She wins at life. GO TORI!

lifechick said...

Yeah, the hair thing was a little weird. But #1, it sounds like the idea sprang from the fact that Calvin was already playing with Tori's hair and #2, Tori acknowledged that it was a weird request. Sounds like she was enjoying the hair petting so much, she didn't want it to end.

Calvin, be careful - too many more stunts like Winnie-the-Pooh to show your sensitive side, and you're gonna catapult yourself to the Friend Zone. Tori knows you're sensitive now, so you can ease up on the planned demonstrations of it. You want her to know you've got testosterone in there somewhere!

Great post - very entertaining!

Mrs. Chipps said...

BEST.DATE.EVER. Nicely done Calvin.

Mel said...

Can I just say that you are so incredibly adorable. Tori is a lucky girl!

Jade said...

Ok just have to say I don't think the hair petting thing is weird at all. I love having my hair petted by a guy, sends shivers down my back! But she has tonz more guts than I do, I don't know that I could ask a guy to come do that while I fell asleep just for the fact that I'd be so scared of my parents walking in and freaking out! But way to go for Tori, she's a great catch, hurry up and ask her out again so we can have another post!

Anonymous said...

I totally want to sleep with Calvin after reading this!

Ash Att said...

this is just about one of my favorite posts. good job Calvin, sounds like it was way fun! i love when guys play with my hair, so dont listen to other people. but i do want to know how it was when you walked out of the house. was it weird?

Allison said...

That was SO AMAZING! I'm actually really excited right now- I was having boy problems, but now I feel a whole bunch better. And I'm really happy that you're so happy with her, and that you didn't even need to kiss her to have a wonderful date.

So excited.

Ashton Dene' said...

Awww, best date recap I have read ever. At first I was a bit freaked by the whole playing of hair thing...but I love when people play with my hair, so who am I to judge?!

Major win, can't wait for date two!

x, ash

Cyd said...

Yes!! Oh I am so happy for you! Just had to tell you. I can't wait until the next date ;)

TechieGirl said...

Wow, ok I kind of want to remind everyone that finds Tori inviting Calvin in really weird that she's young. We all did really weird stuff when we were in that transition phase from high school to not in high school. Give her a break and remember that you weren't always as cool as you are now.

Anonymous said...

Where's Nikki? Does she only comment on Jake? I was looking to see what she said about the playing with hair til she falls asleep! I cannot wait to read what she has to say about that!

Jen said...

She must think you're her Edward.

artsyesque said...

(sigh...) I am totally in love with you, Calvin, in a 'I-totally-want-it-to-work-out-with-Tori' kind of way. The whole thing played in my head like a movie while I read. Not only was that super first-date material, but you relayed it to the breathlessly waiting audience in a superb fashion. (another sigh...)

Katie said...

normally i can not stand you in anyway shape or form. However, this post showed a different side in my opinion... and i have changed my mind about you... good luck with tori!!! im rooting for you

Haylee Abney said...

haha. this sounds too good to be true! seriously, this blog is my fav:)

Tina said...

this is so sweet! cute post glad you had fun!

Nikki said...

I AM trying to be rude and I did struggle to get through this cavity inducing post. It is because I am old, so no need to point out my old hag status. I already know it. Sticks and stones. I get that I could be everyones mother legitimately without me being a teen when I got preggers. Let me just save you the insult time so you can focus on Calvin and his date with a pre-pubescent.
WTF is "the small of her back"? Is there a BIG of her back? This is so icky to read. Man handle me already. I know it is probably a literary tactic that the girls go ga-ga for, but to me its so anti-climactic.
Winnie the Pooh and the Patriarchal blessing move, bile came up, for real. And as far as the hair thing in her room with her parents home, weird. I mean bodily functions run amok when you are asleep. That is a huge risk inviting a guy to your drool pool. Drool sucks, not to mention totally relaxed body gas. Good Budha's belly...I am trying to sleep get the hell out of my room already so I can snore like a freaking grizzly bear and take care of this greasy dinner gas! This story is like a soap opera couple who wake up looking perfect with great breath and start getting it on...NOT happening.

Anonymous said...

I change my mind. I am no longer Team Jake OR Team Calvin... but TEAM NIKKI. :)

TechieGirl said...

I'm calling Niki out. If she didn't like to read this stuff she would have done what half the people that run across it do: never come back.

That Chick said...

naturally, I'm imagining all kinds of pleasantly awkward scenarios in which her parents heard you in the house and appeared. sigh. next time, maybe.

otherwise, daaaanng, boy, get it.
wish I had first dates like that. Nothing quite the same.

Though I have had a guy do that to my hand before... not gonna lie. Awesome. good move, my friend. good move.

jaimie said...

okay the patriarchal blessing thing....SO LAME!!! i dont know what i what do if some guy i was on a date with pulled that one. probably give them the awkward courtesy laugh so they dont feel like a HUGE TOOL!!! haha..and the hair thing..yeah weird..unless she lives in her own apartment with roommates. i would NEVER ask a guy to come into my room in my parents house where my siblings also live and play with my hair until i fall asleep!! soo weird! anyway...aside from said lamesauceness...sounds like a good first date!!

Nancy Face said...

Pretty darn entertaining!

By the way...I betcha I'm older than Nikki! :D

Nikki said...

techiegirl, I do like reading MBP. WHY does that mean every comment I make has to involve me sticking my tongue down Jake and Calvin's throat and wishing I could bear their children? There is enough french kissing from most of the comments that I think it is ok to go completely stank, it won't hurt their self-esteem and you shouldn't take it so personally. Seriously, call me out, I think it's funny and so is your crush on 2 dudes you have never met.

Karina said...

Oh my goodness. Best first date ever? Best date of all time? Best date in the history of dating? YES.

Nicole said...

Glad your date went so well Cal! Almost unbelievably well, but Im happy for you...I liked the comment about the small of her back though. Made me laugh, cuz isn't that a normal term. That is really what it is called. Can't wait to hear about your next Tori interaction.

Eppy said...

I'm puzzled by all of this team blah-blah stuff. If there are team, will there be jerseys? I might choose to invest in one of those.

Alexis! said...

That is so damn cute, if a boy ever did that for me I'd remember it for the rest of my life. Of course, only if it had been just one. I wouldn't ask multiple guys over the course of my life to do something so intimate, I highly doubt she would too unless she's a serial killer that picks her victims depending on how good their hair stroking skills are.

..or something equally crazy, lol.

Anonymous said...

I am so embarassed for you and your blog. You guys are not even funny. you're all dorks and you're anonymous because you're all ugly.

P.S. You should do a poll on your blog to see how many of your readers are 14. You surprisingly found everyone on the internet lamer than you.

UK_Marky23 said...

Sounds like a Cheesy, yet funky date! Am loving the whole Blog, you guys have some UK love right here. I wish that dating was like that here, endless flirting, dates and open women!!If a spot in the house opens, let me know! :-o

Megan said...

Hey Anonymous 1:03am: aka Nasty ugly coward. I am so embarrassed for you and your comment. You are not even smart. You can't spell, nor do you use proper capitalization. You're a dork and you're anonymous because you're ugly.

P.S. I'm 25, I love this blog and I'm not afraid to attach my name to my nasty comments.

I don't think so said...

The only thing I found more disturbing than her wanting you to play with her hair, was you using your patriarchal blessing in such a cheap way. Never mind that it should be sacred - its real value is to pick up girls!

Julie said...

Okay, I thought Nicki's first comment was a little mean and over the top...but it sure made me laugh.

Busy Bee Lauren said...

"greasy dinner gas"...really? I think I just threw up in my mouth.

Julie said...

I do agree with BB Lauren...completely gross...

TechieGirl said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
TechieGirl said...

Lol, Sorry Nikki I just like messing with people like you. Actually I don't have a crush on either of these guys. Like you I enjoy reading their posts and hearing about their situations. I'm just not a huge fan of bashing on people. Would I have fallen for all of Calvin's little tricks, no and I probably would have made him feel pretty silly about them all, but that's the kind of girl I am. However I do try to let people enjoy their own forms of media how they choose. Trust me, it was pretty hard not to bash on every girl that's brought up twilight in these comments, but they enjoy it, and it doesn't encroach on me so why worry about it. Life is pretty short, why waste my time bashing on a bunch of girls that are having fun and really don't care about what I have to say?

Jody said...

she asked you to play with her hair while she fell asleep??? then you quietly snuck out??? weird cal...very weird.

Anonymous said...

I almost forget how CHEESY and LAME some Mormons can be! Patriarchal blessing in the glove box??! COME ON!
I thought your blog was pretty funny until I read this post. I kept wondering if this was ACTUALLY real! To tell you the truth, I think I'm pretty much turned off from your blog now.

Mormon Bachelor Pad said...

The best part is, I'd say that all of the Anonymous haters would be putty in my masculine hands.

-c

Scott said...

...especially all you anonymous haters that are dudes. Putty.

Mormon Bachelor Pad said...

Especially the dudes, Scott.

Wait... are you flirting with me?

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I'm on Team Nikki.

This whole post was very awkward for me to read. The Winnie the Pooh and Patriarchal Blessing plants in your car were very strange. Also, the play-by-play description of touching the small of her back/holding her hand/etc. had me cringing. I don't know if it's the actual events, or just your descriptions of them, which creep me out.

Do men really think that such orchestrated dating is a good idea? Gag.

Scott said...

Not that there's anything wrong with that...

I'm already taken (by a woman).

I will leave the flirting to your Twilight-esque fangirls.

Fi said...

Love, love, love all the comments and the hysterical flame wars that ensue on this blog. My favorite? "Megan" at 4:05 am, who so obviously made up her blog profile just so she could rriiiip into an anonymous troll (if you click on her profile, she has no blogs, and her profile was created within past two days. Also, hot picture! Do you use Google Images, mayhap?).

Also, am very pleased to see I've gotten some of my guy friends to read this blog.

Rock on, Calvin! Good date-dishing. Admittedly, hair-stroking thing is peculiar, and I'm calling your bluff on sneaking into a girl's house while her parents are asleep ... unless you can explain yourself ;)

Anonymous said...

Actually, I'm only commenting here because I want to up on your quote page! Can I get special treatment as a reader from the UK? (I love you guys!) This date sounded awesome/hilarious. Sneaking in is fine, obviously. Living at home all summer, dating whilst living at home is WEIRD (especially when you're used to living alone...) So there may have been a bit of sneaking around. Maybe. Just watch out because you don't want to make a bad impression on her parents before they even meet you.

Love it.

Anonymous said...

Ha ha. Just read my comment-sorry it makes no sense. I meant to say:

'I lived at home all this summer which was WEIRD because I'm used to living alone during semester, so there may have been sneaking around.'

Whoops...

~kiMbeRLy~ said...

I love that you allow anonymous comments. I love that people are not afraid to comment and let us know who they are! This blog is so entertaining...I don't are if its fake or whatever. Its fun and its funny. Keep the posts coming and I hope your commenters stick around too!! Team Nikki! ha ha and you tell them Megan!!

Anonymous said...

OH BARF. I can't believe I came across a blog THIS FREAKING LAME. I used to date guys like you all the time, and you are creepy, naive and this girl will chew you up and spit you out. Get laid, grow up and quit being unrealistic douches! You really think this highschool grad is your EC huh? So naive, so awkward, good luck. So glad I don't ever have to survive one of these faggoty ass dates ever again!!!!!!

Lauren said...

People get so pissed. It makes me laugh.

Blazzer said...

Three reasons I love Confessions from a Mormon Bachelor Pad:

1. They put all of the negative comments people make right up on the front page.

2. They put all the positive stuff in a post hidden deep in the archives of your blog titled "Out of Context."

3. You never bother defending yourselves either, because you just don't care! There are people who can't even help from defending their stupid comments. Shows these guys are confident and sure of who they are.

My man crush is getting embarrassing at this point. I'm going to go read a Maxim magazine and reminisce on the "date orchestration" I used to do that worked so well.

Keep up the good work.

Never stop allowing anonymous comments, either.

-Blazzer

Nikki said...

:)

Anonymous said...

That is so weird that she wanted you to play with her hair while she fell asleep on a FIRST DATE. I don't think it's a big deal that you snuck in her house or anything I just think she is very needy and can't let go. She sounds like someone that needs all of the attention on her all of the time. She couldn't let go of your hand (even though you started it) and she couldn't let go of you when the date was over and it was time to say goodbye. She sounds a lot like Britney. I say run away from her as fast as you can!

Anonymous said...

That was the gayest thing I have ever read. I am so embarrassed for you! It sounds like you put a lot of effort into being such a fag.

Chelsea Holden said...

That date seemed super cheesy...but aren't all first dates cheesy? When I first met my fiance we said and did the stupidest things. Things that we'd probably never laugh at now...but thats part of the fun. I say enjoy this stage while your in it and just have fun...as cheesy as it may be! :) Congrats on a fantastic first date and can't wait to hear more about Tori!

Chelsea said...

Also--how do I sign up for a MBP bachelorette party?! ha i kid...but no really.

Alexandra said...

Haha, I made the comment box!
I think you should do an age poll...I'm pretty sure Anonymous whoever would be wrong. I'm bet most of us are 20+.

Melody said...

I thought the date sounded great! But, I had to cringe at the whole Patriarchal Blessing thing...what ever happened to keeping it sacred? Why would you use personal revelation to pick up chicks? You are so blessed to have something come straight from the Lord, and not only do you take it lightly, you use it for your personal gain. Not cool. Sorry.

Anonymous said...

Tori is probably only dating you because she wants your dad to give her a raise. And being naughty with you is less disgusting than with your dad.
And I agree with anonymous that most of your readers are probably 14 and go back to their Webkins website after visiting yours.

Ariel said...

haha I love this blog!

And for the record... I'm 19.

Kristin Lee said...

I love how so many people are like, "I'M SO EMBARRASSED FOR YOU."

Why? You're anonymous and obviously girls eat it up.

Anonymous said...

You've been on some pretty bad dates if this one was the best?!! The whole...."play with my hair while i fall asleep." that is just odd...what? is she trying to be like bella and you be her edward..?

Anonymous said...

You should have just t-bagged her there in the truck. It would have been less douche-baggy than to hide your pooh bear and patriarchial blessing for her to find. LAME.

Anonymous said...

I'm 14, I love your website and I can't get enough of it! I'm pretty sure I have the largest collection of webkins and I LOVE Edward and Bella. Your post is like a modern day love story. OMG!!!!

Anonymous said...

PS Your blog is boring. How you get so many people to read it blows my mind. It must be all your dates gone wrong. I sure you're the guy that asks any and every girl out. Also, Edward is abusive and Bella has the most annoying personality ever portrayed in writing. How did that book ever become so popular. (Sorry to disappoint 99% of your readers)

Lula! said...

The theme song to this post is Luna Halo's "On Your Side."

Seriously.

I started singing it the minute I got to the "play with my hair while I fall asleep" part...and I'm still singing it.

is Tori really pretty? Because in my head she looks looks kinda like Hilary Duff...and that's a GOOD thing.

#TeamCalvin

p.s. But I gotta go for #TeamJake, too...'cause he appreciates my man, Jason Statham. Rock on!

Lula! said...

P.P.S. I'm 34. Almost 35. NOT 14.

And will SOMEONE please tell me what a patriarchal blessing is?

Jessica said...

If she starts talking about "Isle Esme" it's a trick... don't fall for it!

Tiffy J. said...

I'll be honest...as awkward as inviting him in may have been, I love having people play with my hair. I would NEVER in a million years invite a guy into my room to play with my hair, especially on the first date...but I would be walking on air after a super-good date. and when guys play with my hair, I am putty in their hands.
That said, Calvin, you are a stud, and i want to know how you got out of the house as well.

shirley elizabeth said...

Tori’s journal entry the next morning:
Dear Diary,
I finally went on my date with Calvin and it was so perfect! I can’t even put into words all that happened. He is so sweet and thoughtful and spiritual and sensitive. Is it too early to say that I’m totally falling in love with him?? I know that all of our dates are going to be as wonderful as this one, and I can’t wait for when he proposes! I already have such a great relationship with his father, I can just see how quaint we’ll all be gathered around a family dinner. I never knew things would turn out this happily for me! I mean, in YW I always had the feeling I would be married before 20 (and be spared the fate of an old maid), but I expected it to at least happen in my second semester! Everything is just so perfect!
xxooxx

Chris said...

Before stumbling onto your blog, I never thought I would ever read anything that would induce my gag reflex so quickly. And this is after having read the details of an rectal prolapse one time in anatomy.

I'm sure you wrote this knowing all your readers would leave tons of comments along the lines of "AWW HOW ROMANTIC." I have news for you: You don't know the first thing about being romantic. But you could give a convincing lesson on how to be faggot.

Let's take a closer look at some of your quotes you can include in your lesson:

"Yeah. When I open your door, I'm going to have to let go of your hand. I'm not sure if I'm ready to do that yet."
LAME. Sounds like something out of a herpes commercial where some lady is rock climbing or doing something else which symbolizes her independence, then out of nowhere she blurts out "I HAVE HERPES." The music gets all serious and you hear a voice over "...there is no cure," cue inspirational music "but treatment is available." Then it cuts to a shot of them on a beach and a guy runs up behind her and puts his arms around her. Scene ends with the couple holding hands walking along the beach. Good job, you're dating a skank with herpes.

"It was a great opportunity for me to ask all of the follow up questions regarding her family and friends that I'd been planning."
Did you just hit puberty? Is this your first date? Have you started using tampons yet or are you still wearing pads? I'm astounded that you feel the right to have a blog entitled "Mormon Bachelor Pad." A name that assumes you've at least been on a date before or at the very least had a phone conversation with a woman without having a friend whisper in your ear of what to say.

"She reached behind the passenger seat and found my Winnie the Pooh stuffed animal. (I always try to strategically place in my vehicle something from my childhood. It shows my date that I have a sensitive, child-like innocence. It also says that I have the capability to "attach" to something, and that ability to "attach" can easily transfer from an inanimate stuffed animal to a long-term, committed relationship.)"
Not only can you give lessons on how to be a faggot but you're also a psychologist. Or a manipulator. Same diff.

"That was probably the highlight of the evening. She laughed like it was the funniest thing anyone had ever said to her."
I don't have a lot to add to this that I'm sure isn't obvious. That was the highlight of your evening (which is sad) but the highlight of her evening was probably when she realized how easy it was going to be to get a raise from your dad. Also, are you always that funny? Like, does it come natural or do you have to work for it a little bit? I'd like to know your secrets.

"It was the most sensual episode of hand holding I've had since I got back from Ireland. I also had my right hand above her head rest playing with her hair. She was closing her eyes breathing deeply while I ran my fingers through her hair over and over."
I've never read twilight, but can someone check if this is an excerpt? You forgot the part where your eyes are smoldering.

"I tried not to think about how many guys she'd invited to play with her hair in the past. In fact, it didn't even cross my mind until Jake asked me. I don't even want to know."
Again, nice date with a herpes skank.

"Will you come inside with me and play with my hair while I fall asleep?"
Again with the hair? Next time ask her to play with the hair on your back, why the double standard?

I'm done. I can't go on. I'm going to go do something less painful like stick my hand in the oven.

Calvin said...

No matter how much you claim to despise this blog, I think I speak for most of us when I tell you that I look forward to reading your future diatribes.

Keep reading, Chris. Have a great day.

Jake said...

Chris! Do me! Do me!

http://mormonbachelorpad.blogspot.com/2009/08/kiss-her-like-man.html

Arianna N. McMillan said...

Chris - if you despise this blog so much why did you put yourself through even MORE pain by ever so carefully analyzing specific statements from the blog? How long did it take you to find each sentence from this post? My advice is don't spend so much time putting others down and condemning them for their freedom of speech and expression. Really, what good does it do?

Arianna N. McMillan said...

By the way Calvin & Jake I love your writing styles. :)

Chris said...

Dear Arianna, I hope this helps...

"if you despise this blog so much why did you put yourself through even MORE pain by ever so carefully analyzing specific statements from the blog?"
You may find this absurd, but sometimes when I read something like MBP that "causes me pain" I want to tell them exactly why. I use quotes to help backup my argument. And it's fun for me. This shouldn't be something that shocks you so much.

"How long did it take you to find each sentence from this post?"
How long did it take you to read their post, and then my comment, and then formulate an opinion, and then type it out in the comment box, and then spell check "sentence" on dictionary.com?

"My advice is don't spend so much time putting others down and condemning them for their freedom of speech and expression."
Sound advice, Arianna. But it's also strange because it makes you out to be a hypocrite. I could argue that you wrote your comment directed towards me to be taken as condescending. Also, I never condemned any ones freedom of speech or expression. And no one did the same to me. In fact THEY encouraged it. But now here you are condemning MY speech and expression. I also want to point out that you really don't need to defend your boyfriends. They are adults who can handle themselves. It just makes you look incompetent.

"Really, what good does it do?"
You're lame.

"By the way Calvin & Jake I love your writing styles. :)"
Of course you love their writing styles. The majority of America has bad taste. Why do you think G-Force and Tyler Perry movies are so popular? That is the same reason why MBP is cool for dumb, young girls like you. Remember, taste is subjective.

Jake,
I'm not reading any more of this garbage. There are other crappy sites waiting for the truth.

Anonymous said...

ummmm.. i find that kinda awkward. Hahaha. Actually very awkward? Weird...

TechieGirl said...

Chris I sincerely hope that you have a good day.

Trish said...

Chris, you are my new best friend.

Anonymous said...

Dang... she's brave. I would've never held a guys hand on the first date, haha. But it does sound like you had a good time. It is kind of weird that you stayed and played with her hair... I don't think I would've been able to ask a guy to do that for me either, haha. I guess I'm a wuss. ;) You should ask her out again soon.

Anonymous said...

I agree with Anonymous 7:57. Super weird that she asked you to come play with her hair while she fell asleep...in her parents house. So Awkward.

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