Monday, November 16, 2009

Spelunking

I missed out on the MBP group date last Friday. It sucked pretty bad cause it was Jake and I who planned the whole date. I was going to take Tori, of course, but she called me Friday afternoon and asked if I'd object to going to Nutty Putty or something. I guess it's a cave in Utah County where people go spelunking. I didn't really object to the spelunking idea. I've never made out in a cave before and it sounded kind of fun. Something about the dark and moist atmosphere makes me think it must be fairly conducive to making out. I figured the odds of finding a comfortable place to get horizontal wasn't likely in an underground cave, but Tori is kind of prudish that way. Not in a bad way. She has no problems french kissing and has taken very little issue with my hand placement while we're making out, but she is very cautious of laying down... which I guess I can respect.

I met her at her house on Friday night and it was freaking cold. The only thing I could think was, "We're going to go into an underground cave while it's this cold? What the crap am I doing?" Then all of her friends started showing up. Her circle of friends consists of two other girls and about 15 guys. When all the guys started rolling up in their cars, I start looking around and counting all the dudes on my fingers which were strategically placed in my pockets. I gotta ask, what kind of guy is happy with that kind of ratio? Seriously? These dudes are regularly hanging out with the same three girls? Who does that? Unless the girls have made the rounds through all 15 guys, but even then... why do the guys stick around? Shouldn't they be out looking for different girls or something?

Everyone knew everyone else except for me. I introduced myself to a couple of the guys, but didn't really know how to do it. I didn't want to say, "I'm Tori's date" because it was obvious that nobody else had dates... they were just all hanging out in a big stupid group. So I said, "Tori invited me to tag along." That seemed to be sufficient.

Then some dweeb with huge pecs and a tight shirt started making carpool assignments. He was pointing to people and saying "You guys ride with Tony. You four ride with me (Tori and three other guys) and you four can ride with Seth (including me)." He had assigned Tori and I to different vehicles. I can't even tell you how tempted I was to just get in my truck and drive home. Tori didn't say anything to anyone about making sure I was in the same car as her. So when we all started getting into the cars, I decided to just get into the same car as Tori.

After I climbed in, some dude with parted hair in the middle yells, "Whoa. Hold up. Someone is in the wrong car. There's no room for me in here." Pecs looked at me and said politely, "What's your name?" I reply, "Calvin." Pecs then said, "Are you supposed to be in this car? Is this where I put you?" I looked at him and said, "I don't know. I wasn't paying attention while you were barking orders. I just got in this car cause this is the car that the hottest girl got into." Tori was sitting in the front seat looking back at me. I made eye contact with her and winked. I'm sure it looked dorky cause I'm not the winking type. I may have actually blinked both eyes instead of winking. Tori smiled at me, though, so I'm pretty sure she got the idea.

The cave was lame. I thought it would fun, but it wasn't at all. I don't get claustrophobic so I was fine with the close quarters, but I don't think I even saw Tori in that damn cave. I was squeezing past all of these dudes trying to find Tori to score a bitchin' cave smooch. I think my clothed genitalia brushed up against at least 75% of the guys in that stupid cave... but never with Tori.

When we finally got out of the cave and back to her house, I had to wait in the background for Tori to hug every single one of her guy friends before they left. They didn't look like "friend" hugs either. These were, like, long, passionate, hands-all-over-her-back-we've-got-sexual-history type of hugs.

Luckily, my doorstep scene with Tori was significantly different. I'm pretty confident in my hugging and kissing build up. I've got the hand placement and movement, the breathing lightly against her neck, the whispering "I had a great time tonight" in her ear while my lips accidentally brush against her ear lobe, mastered. It all progressed nicely into a very wet doorstep scene. Too bad she has such dumb friends.

-Calvin

85 comments:

Nat said...

I'm not gonna lie....tori is moving down in my coolness meter.

Lauren said...

Ugh...

Ok, I have a big problem with her not making sure you were in the same car. That is straight up ridiculous.

Dude...move on. Who cares if she is a cheerleader and "the hottest girl in the car".

I am so annoyed with her right now.

Mauri said...

ew that's annoying. And it's even more annoying she didn't speak up and make sure you were around her-esp if she invited you with a bunch of people you didn't know (who happened to be pretty much all dudes). Not very classy of her. Ew. Move on. Or find another girl to add to the mix.

Brit O'Connor said...

I remember these days. Invite as many boys as possible and see how many actually show up and stay. Bail. :)

THE Stephanie said...

Ugh... not gonna lie. Don't like her. I used to, but now I don't.

Allie said...

She is not as confident as I had origianally thought. She needs the recognition of all these dudes to ensure herslef that she is, indeed, the prettiest girl in the group. Run.Away.Fast.

shirley elizabeth said...

Not any different than anyone could have predicted. But it really seems that's all you're interested in so I don't think it bothers you too much. I remember that phase. and dating guys in that phase. I actually hate thinking back to that phase most. So dumb.

Montierth Madness said...

I see a train wreck in your near future. Tori is playing you, getting what she wants from you, like she has with a dozen other guys. She doesn't introduce you to her friends, doesn't make sure you're in the same car, and just isn't that into you or she would make an effort to let her other friends know you're dating.

All that speaks of a player. When you see her with another guy, kissing him like she does you, don't act surprised. She's surely going to drop you when she's done with you.

Kristin Lee said...

Yeah, Tori is kind of starting to piss me off. For one you had to introduce yourself, and for two you were her date, she should be concerned about being in the same car.

Mich n Dan said...

I know you like her Calvin, but she should have totally looked out for you! She should have made sure that you were in the same car and she should have made sure that you were together in the cave. You were cool enough to hang with her friends and she should have been sweet enough to make sure that you had a good time. I hate to say it but she is totally losing points.

Rachael said...

i hate tori. you can do way better calv. Also, what is spelunking?

Shelby Lou said...

i'm done holding back, since everyone else is. Tori sounds like this girl I know, fun and flirty. AWESOME but... not at the same time because she hasn't let go of high school yet. You my friend have just dipped yourself into that same high school pool. Welcome to childhood, once again.

I do not like this. DO NOT. She must be a really good kisser. Because, I want to punch her in the face and kick mr. huge pecs in the shins.

(That was harsh. Maybe I should email you my new address in provo, you can accidently meet me and I will never know! ;) )

Lauren said...

Tori is lame. Asking you to change your plans to hang out with a bunch of guys that you don't know is really selfish. Move along, there are girls way better than that out there.

Ryan Hadlock said...

Not gonna be gross, but some of the terms you strung together in this post had me laughing for sure. Nice.

And as long as you're just getting action off Tori, fine, but she is good at the game dude! I'm kinda surprised because she's so young, but she obviously had a good mentor somewhere. Play the game, don't get stuck on her.

Shelby Lou said...

I somewhat agree with what ryan said though. If you're gonna keep on keepin' on.. play the game. Because she is a hardcore player, and you gotta have the upper hand. Lol

Julie said...

I think I can say "Ditto" to almost all of the above. Really, does a little "doorstep scene" make up for the entire night? Calvin, I hate to say it, but I just don't think she is that into you.

Living In Your Letters said...

Hate to say it, but just the fact that she wanted to go out with a bunch of mostly guy friends with you along, instead of a group date with you as her date, says a lot about her...
Probably should have jumped back in your truck and left. Question is, would she have noticed?

Bad form, Tori. Bad form.

Rachel said...

It could have been worse. Once, my former college roommate called me, laughing like a maniac, because she'd just seen my ex-boyfriend on the news. He got stuck in Nutty Putty caves, and looked like the world's biggest wanker. Too bad that didn't happen to Pecs.

Lizz said...

You are wondering why all of those guys keep coming around when the ratio is clearly not in their favor - yet you join their ranks by running to Tori every time she barks at you.

It's obvious that Tori is playing a dating game, and you have 3 options: 1) you can continue to let her throw you around like a rag doll; 2) you can leave the game; or 3) you can start playing the game by coming up with some rules and terms of your own.

A lot of people want you to choose option #2 and ditch Tori - however 22 is the perfect age to have fun and play around so if I were you I would chose #3. If you continue on with choice #1 you are going to continue looking like a pansy.

Nate said...

It's too late for Lizz's option 3. You've caved to her whims and changed plans that you've had for the two of you too many times to be taken seriously. Cut bait and leave (after a good make out, of course).

Heather said...

Tori really bothers me. You seriously need to drop this girl because it doesn't sound like she's that into you. Does she ever even hang out with your friends? Or do you always have to hang out w/ her and her lame friends? Have we two even done anything alone?

QuasiGeekGirl said...

Hate to say it, but I'm kind of like Tori. I have a lot of guy friends, and she might have thought you would've gotten along with a couple of them. So good for Tori about inviting you along.

On the flip side, she invited you, and so should've paid you a lot of attention (making sure you were in the same car as her). So no bueno on that end. It kind of cancels out the good points she got from inviting you along.

This pecs guy seems like a real Dbag. Who put him in charge?

Alice said...

Cut your losses. Drop bait. For realz this girl is no bueno.

She asks you to change your plans to chill with her and then doesn't hang out with you until the end? She's a hot mess. Just sayin'.

KatOfDiamonds said...

Way to put PecHead in his stupid Alpha Male (only not really) place!

Go Calvin!

ps. Agreeing with the above... There is only so much that hott makes up for...

samnhal said...

She sounds like a girl who is stuck in highschool mode and is used to having lots of guys pay her attention. That is super lame that she just let you get lost in all of those people when she was the one who invited you. I have to agree, she's no good.

M and C said...

She just went down a few notches in my book as well.. Not making sure you were in the same car and not stickin by you in the cave.. joke.

Autumn said...

What is she thinking?!? Calvin! She's using you! Ditch her butt. Now. Seriously. This is nothing but a train wreck happening in your very near future. Don't be surprised if you walk into her macking on someone else one night. She's weird, and quite frankly, she's a bitch. I say ditch her. She should have been the one to introduce you, and she should have made sure you two were in the same car. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

Now, is making out with her the only thing on your mind when you go to hang with her? I hope not. You seem somewhat respectful, but the first comments sounded a little...douchbag-ish. Just be careful how you put things. And I hope you're not using her. :]

Waiting On a Missionary said...

lame. you should have hopped back in your truck when you were tempted.

Jessica said...

Ditch her before she ditches you! I hate to say it, but she obviously is not that into you if she didn't make sure you were in the same car, besides the fact of how many guys she invited. Girls don't do that to guys they genuinely like.

She's obviously insecure, immature, and a bit skanky honestly. She needs all that male attention before she can even start to feel good about herself. It's a game to her, she doesn't care about anyone's feelings except her own.

MOVE ON... don't let yourself be anther story she giggles about with her girlfriends on how pathetic and lame some guys are. Grow a pair! You deserve better!

TechieGirl said...

Be aware. She's not in this for the long run.

Stevi said...

Pecs sounds a little type A eh?

I hate when the ratio is way off. Whenever I organize something, even if it is just a hang out, I try and even out the ratio. No girl or guy wants to hang out with 15 other individuals of the same-sex that you don't know. We have enough of those friends you gotta mix it up, leave room for wet door or hopefully couch scenes.

Melody said...

Red flags:
1. Asking you to play with her hair. (did she ask Pecs to do that too?)
2. Her parents didn't introduce themselves to you...let alone stand up when you came into the room. (You're just another one of Tori's play things)
3. She had you do stretches in front of her family...and didn't stop when you become "sufficiently mortified" (She doesn't give a crap about your feelings.)
4. She cancels your dates to fit her own schedule. (That's just plain rude.)
5. She invites you with all her other men to go to a cave. (Again, you're just one of many)
6. She doesn't make sure you're comfortable around all these people you don't know, and she doesn't make sure you sit with her in the car. (She doesn't really care where you're at, as long as you make the guy ratio go up)
7. All of her goodbye long passionate hugs. Yours was apparently the best. (It was probably just the same as the 15 other ones she got. It probably doesn't stick out.

Green flags for Torri: (meaning go for it!)
1. She's hot.

As you can see.....there are WAY more signs screaming leave.

Just saying..

Alexandra said...

The whole car thing was weird. Did the guy think you all were in fifth grade or something? People can figure out cars to ride in pretty easily.

Caving is a lot of fun if you go with people you like.

seanm said...

Ok, I am so over Tori. Everyone else in this post sees it too. She's immature, she's selfish, and she's uncompromising. She's take, take, take and you're give, give, give. For what? Sweet @$$? There's more. You live in UTAH. @$$ there flows like water from the mountain in spring. Seriously, find yourself a new girl. But feel free to hit it with Tori until you do, just to fill the gap. Stop planning dates, start planning makeouts. If she asks if her friends can come along, tell her no. Tell her you've been looking forward to this for a week, and plans cannot be changed. See what she does. If she decides to go hang out with her friends, that's your answer right there. It's not like you haven't been patient. Then go find yourself summore.

Ashley said...

I agree with basically everyone else. Time for Tori to go bye bye.

kelleidoscope said...

You know, I have a lot of guy friends too, but there's no way I'd do that to a guy I brought as someone I'm interested in. I'd make sure he was introduced to everyone.. and then probably spend most of my time around him.

Actually, I wouldn't ever invite so many guy friends to hang out with someone I like. But that's just me.

She sounds pretty cool if all you want is someone to make out with. But take all of those guys as a warning..I mean seriously.

Brenn said...

That was lame. No bueno. She definitely should have made sure you were in here car. Pecs sounds a bit territorial? And bossy? Are you sure he isn't really a girl? Most guys aren't that bossy. Ew. Maybe its time to move on a bit?

That Chick said...

she sounds like a bitch who's pretty used to people fawning all over her.

just my impression. :)

Zabes-Yap said...

"Don't hate the player... hate the game."

Kind of hard when your the one being played huh?

Good luck with what ever you choose....

Ru said...

So wait ... not only did she not make any effort to get you in the same car as her, but she hopped up to the front seat and let you squish in with a bunch of other dudes in back? And for this you WINKED at her?

Hahahahaha, Calvin, she's got you wrapped around her pinkie. Please, please, please - be a man and either dump her or start playing her back. Because you are already not really dating her.

Susan said...

Not a fan, Calvin. You have to wonder why she has so many close guy friends like that....with obviously odd history. I don't trust her. Just me, though.

Anonymous said...

She's not that into you. If she were, she would have taken a stand on which car you rode in, would not have hugged other guys, and would have made sure she was next to you in the cave the whole time. I used to be like Tori and took the attitude, if they are willing to put up with it, I'll keep doing things this way because I like all of the boys, but not any of them enough to give up the others... if that makes sense. I quit doing that when I met my husband.

DROP HER... NOW!

Cathy said...

Okay, I agree with most of what everyone has already said, Tori did go down in my books from this, but I don't think that necessarily means drop her immediately. Maybe she was just seeing how you'd fair in such a crowd - you chose to just jump in her car anyways, point to you. Or maybe she really is just young and hasn't realized some of the finer details to social etiquette.
I agree that she should have introduced you and wanted to hang around you while you were caving - but maybe talking to her might be a good step before just dropping her flat. Just trying to give her the benefit of the doubt cuz despite all the haters, she may have dropped on the charts but not off of them.

Melissa said...

That sounds like THE lamest date. What the heck is her prob? I mean... sure she's 19... she's still a teenager but really? Not making sure you're in the same car as the person YOU invited? That is just selfish and inconsiderate. Not cool Tori. Actually really immature and selfish.

Lorelei said...

Too bad TORI is a dumbass. Come on, what kind of girl would invite you to go caving with her group of friends, then not introduce you to everyone, not make sure you were in the same car, not say something about it when you got in the car with her, not sit with you when you got in the same car, and then not hang out with you in the cave. This girl is a joke. Ditch her.

xoxo Lorelei

Ru said...

PS - You don't have enough possible answers on your poll. Mark me down for "Don't find polygamy that funny, but joking about it is ok."

Because let's be honest ... there are very few subjects that can't be joked about, but at the same time, very few funny polygamy jokes. Tough call on that one.

Heather said...

Seriously I am starting to wonder about this chick. Who DOES that? She invites you to come with her, then almost ditches you to ride in a car with other guys? What the crap.

Lauren said...

Lorelei - I am standing on my desk applauding you. You rule.

Sam, The Nanti-SARRMM said...

I agree with the others. Also, what's to say that some other dude didn't get the same cave-kiss idea that you had and struck first? Cause, honestly, if you couldn't find her the whole time you were in the cave, she was probably making out with one of the dudes.

Sure you got to make out on her doorstep, but was being with a bunch of guys you didn't know worth it?

Katie said...

seems like she might possibly be playing you calvin :/

Allison said...

Hm.. I'm sorry, Calvin- Tori made a REALLY bad move. I don't know her like you do, and if she's what you said, then it might make up for this.. but maybe she's too young. She's still in with another crowd, and obviously isn't taking a hint to introduce you as something more significant.

I don't know what to say, because I really like(d) her. PLEASE SAY SOMETHING BETTER ABOUT HER. Or... find someone who appreciates you more.

amanda leeann said...

hi! allow me to introduce myself-i'm amanda. cool. that's out of the way.

i must say, i was a little skeptical of your blog when i first started reading...now i highly appreciate it. thanks for the honest glimpses into the male brain =]

Jimmy Jones said...

Dude, I was a cheerleader and got to listen to those types of situation all the time! Calvin she is insecure and using you! No matter how cute she is or how good she kisses (never did find one that was a really good kisser but, props if she is ;) ) if she isn't putting you in first place now she probably never will. She still needs to learn how to show other people that they are important and yes like everyone has said, "Get out of High School" I just don't seen it happening-the female cheerleaders that I know and knew still haven't. Even the ones that have graduated college. Run boy! Run!

Tara said...

She is annoying! And FYI I will never be the same after, 'clothed genitilia'.

jaimie said...

she's a player and that's lame that she didn't make sure you guys were in the same car. NEXT

Katie said...

1) That pec/tight shirted guy sounds like a freaking douche bag. You should have decked him
2) Not sure how I feel about Tori. Sounds a little immature, insecure, and quite likely a player. I'd get out while you can. I'd hate for you to get your little heart broken!
3) I finally just finished reading all of the posts since you guys began this blog. I take back anything I've said about you guys (either in my mind, or on a comment. Not sure if I ever commented that) seeming like douche bags. Pretty positive you and Jake are awesome.

Brooke said...

Drop it like its hot, Calvin. Fast.

Cherios said...

If I were you, I would have drove off when I had the chance.

Anonymous said...

tori seemed cool at first, but i don't really think she's interested. she's always altering or canceling plans with you. and it's weird that all those guys were there and that she didn't make sure you were in the same car with her. that's just plain rude. you didn't even know anyone! dump her. she's a bitch.

Anonymous said...

I had more guy friends than girls when I was that age. Don't see any of them anymore, their lame, she'll move on if you get more serious, be a gentleman and show her how immature they are. And so-what if she had a fling with one of them? She likes you enough to bring you along, maybe she just hasn't learned what good manners are.

I had a similar experience. It was Halloween and guy who invited me to come along to a college "stomp", I guess their called, were all the girls use it as an excuse to dress like strippers, unfortunately I didn't get the memo. He brought a roommate and three other girls, just so happened that one of the girls he'd taken clubbing and freak danced with just a few weeks before. Nice. Good news- were married now and it's not a big deal because I got the guy. People have pasts deal with it.

Maggles said...

Tori is a tool. The end.

Molly said...

You can do waaaaaaaay better than Tori. if she really liked you, she would have made sure she was in the same car with you.

Also, watch your language, young man.

Montierth Madness said...

Just a curious detail...

Nutty Putty caves were sealed with a huge iron gate 2 years ago. No entry without a guide from the County, which they don't do much. Did nobody else pick up on this? And a party of 15 would be too many for them to take.

I'm wondering if Calvin slipped up.

Sam, The Nanti-SARRMM said...

According to this, Nutty Putty Caves reopened to the public in May.

Sam, The Nanti-SARRMM said...

Or he went to another set of caves to throw off all the guys who may read this blog.

Montierth Madness said...

I stand corrected.

anna said...

your move on the doorstep sounds cheesy. i know she's young, but did she really like it??

Jonny said...

Treat her like dirt! Then she'll follow you everywhere.

Sarah said...

People who have dumb friends generally turn out to be dumb people.

Marci Darling said...

Run Away,Calvin. Fast.

Julia said...

Ok Cal, the ball is totally in her court right now. You are better than to let this girl walk all over you like this, She is getting exactly what she wants from you, and you are letting her. Be a man and take control. You do NOT deserve to be treated like that. Clearly you can get a girl like that, and one that will actually be good to you. Please don't be one of those drooling douchers that are at her beck and call. You are better than that. Strap on a pair and leave her in the dust. Leave her wanting more. You are way better than her, and deserve someone in your league. Tori is not in your league.

Anonymous said...

"Clothed genetalia" brushing up against teenage boys? You are such a creeper. You should change the website to MIT (molester in training) because you're disgusting.

Alexis! said...

You seem way too jealous, girls can have guy friends without it meaning anything. Guys are pigs, they might think about it, but so what? If you want to move on with this girl you're going to have to get past it, or get over her. You can't ever ask her to change, and never dare bring up her male friends. Girls hate that.

Nate said...

No one has addressed the possibility (probability) that Tori invited all these other guys just like she did Calvin. Then she would have definitely been riding with someone she invited, hung out with him (them) in the cave, and everything else she is being accused of here in the comments.

TechieGirl said...

Nate - If that's the case than half of these comments are accurate. About half accuse her of being a bitch and the other half tell Calvin she just isn't that into him. Either way it's a situation where Calvin has to decide what he wants. If it's a girlfriend he's probably better off not pursuing Tori. If it's make out sessions, than all has to do is turn off his heart and have a good time.

Jade said...

Calvin Calvin Calvin..... Sorry your weekend turned into a bummer. But Tori has definately lost points in my book, she's not worth anything more than being one of those girls you call for a makeout when you want one.

This is the second weekend in a row that she's turned you down for something concerning other guys. Yes she still invites you to hang out with her to make everything alright and keep you around but I think she just sees you as another one in the group of guys.

And man she ticked me off when she didn't introduce you to even one of the guys..... and then to top it off she didn't even speak up to have you ride in the same car as her... Dude she's a snooty stuck up skunk butt face!

Wake up Calvin you've had 3 times of where she's called off your dates, 2 times in a row, and then the time she was "sick" I know it's bad of me to think, but who know's maybe she really wasn't sick that weekend, and just had big plans with "her boys". But if she pulled that shit, oh man she has something coming to her.

I say give her one more chance for a date, see if she breaks it again for some sort of other plans, if she does decide to break it and wants you to join her with her other plans flat out tell her "Hell NO! I'm sick of your stupid little games. If you want me to be around at all tonight you can either go on our date or I'm gone, done...."

I think she needs a taste of her own skunk butt faceness though... I don't know of a good way to do that, but I'm sure your roommates as well as everyone on here could easily come up with a way to do that.

Calvin don't keep putting up with her crap, you deserve better and can find a girl who is pretty and not a skunk butt face.

Jade said...

Whoa sorry I got so long there.... she just pissed me off, I know way to many girls like her.

Nikki said...

This Tori story is snori...like oh my gosh, totally. :)

Angela said...

No. Yuck. I did not like one thing about that date. She didn't even say anything when you were assigned a different car? And still didn't say anything when stupid pecks called you out after getting in the wrong car? Dumb dumb dumb. As long as you're just there for the easy make out, then fine.. but if it's anything else... I wouldn't waste my time. You know.. if I were a guy.. LOL.

Amanda said...

um ok...is this legit? or is it all supposed to be tongue-in-cheek? I really hope it's the latter rather than the former. Or you guys are going on my junk punch list for sure.

Nicole said...

Tori likes attention. She is hot and she knows it. Everything about what she did screams immature, selfish, and lame. And I don't think she is very interested in anything more than your attention. Speaking from personal experience.. when you're interested in a guy, you will blow all those guys who want hugs off from you, EVEN if you are used to giving them hugs. "friends" or not...you just don't hug them.

Krys said...

Holy cow. I seriously laughed out loud during this whole post. OH man, Calvin... hilarious. Gotta agree, Tori's moving down the list. Who hangs out with that many guys all the time?!

Lula! said...

Oh, Tori, Tori, Tori...

Yeah, I'm over her.

p.s. She loses points for not accidentally brushing up against your midsection whilst in the cave. Dude, ANY reasonable girl would've gone for that move.

Anonymous said...

kind of reminds me of the worst "date" I ever had. I was casually seeing a guy in college but we had an argument and then I went home for the weekend. When I came back he had left flowers with my roommate and a note asking me to call him when I got back into town. I called and he asked me on a date. I show up at his house only to be introduced to another girl who was "his date" and then introduced to my date of the evening. It seems like those kinds of games. Childish and kinda douche-y.

Anonymous said...

You deleted my last comment! It's so you! You've been had! Busted! The jig is up.

It's never going to end, and pretty soon, you'll get a knock on the door.

Ass hats.

David Bruce, Jared Kinnard, Joseph Rowley, Michael Rushworth, and Brian Early.