Saturday, November 21, 2009

New Moon-tards

I may be exposing a little more of my gayness than I should here, but I read the Twilight books. I don't really have a reason... other than my mom was reading them and I saw the first book sitting on her coffee table before my mission so I picked it up and started reading. Once I realized I was reading a vampire romance novel, I just figured I was too invested in the book so I finished it. That doesn't explain why I also read New Moon, though. It also doesn't explain why I read Eclipse and Breaking Dawn after my mission. Lest you think I'm a homo, let me assure you that I never purchased any of the novels with my own money. I don't know if that makes it any more acceptable, but it's the truth.

When I saw Twilight in May, I remember being surprised that so many people didn't like it. I think I figured out why, though. Since I'd read the book, I was able to mentally connect the romantic dots. The movie skips over so much... that the stubborn, anti-trendy folk who refused to read it just cause everyone else had and they don't want to be one of "those" people, end up getting bored because they're stupid. No offense, Jake. It doesn't change my frustration with the whole sparkling thing though. Anyone who's seen or read any other vampire stories MUST be pissed about the glistening, sparkling beauty of Stephanie's "vampires". (I'm totally Team Alice, by the way. She's freakin' hot.)

As you know, I took Tori to New Moon on Thursday night, along with Jake, Becca, Aaron, and a few other girls. As I sat there listening to Tori moan every time there was a slow-mo of Edward walking, or an unnecessary shot of Jacob peeling off his shirt... or even one of the dozen or so shots of Bella seeing a misty, non-existent version of Edward saying something like "Turn around!" or "You promised!" in his smoker voice before disappearing in a wisp of smoke, I just kept thinking "I don't remember the book being this boring." Seriously, I thought the special effects were better in this movie, but there were only two or three scenes where the special effects even mattered. The rest of the movie was Bella feeling bad for herself and trying to complain to whoever will listen, through her beaver teeth. I just kept wishing Alice would have a vision of me walking slowly toward her in the rain with my shirt unbuttoned. But Alice was too busy looking pretty in the background. Sigh.

The best part of the movie, though, was the final scene. Jacob runs off into the forest like a baby and Edward tells Bella that he wants her to wait 5 years before she's changed into a vampire. Then Bella says, "No. That's too long." And Edward says, "Then wait 3 years." Bella answers, "What are you waiting for?" I heard Aaron say, "Your boobs to get bigger." Jake and I started laughing and I'm pretty sure the other people around us didn't hear the last 2 lines of dialogue. I didn't realize it was so close to ending or I wouldn't have laughed so loudly.

After the movie, Tori and I went to a pretty popular make-out spot. We were there for about an hour and then I saw some headlights behind us. I thought it was probably another pair of maker-outers, but it turns out it was a cop. He knocked on my window and Tori jumped back into her own seat. I rolled down my window and the officer flashed his light on me and then over at Tori. He said, "Is everything all right tonight?" I said, "Yeah. We just came from a movie and-"

The officer cut me off. "I wasn't asking you." He looked at Tori, "Is everything all right tonight, young lady?" She smiled sweetly, as always. "Yes officer. Everything is just fine." Then the officer looked back at me and said, "The park closed at 11. You should get her home." I'm not sure why I didn't just say, "Ok". Instead I said, "Of course, we just need to wait for the windows to unfog." Nobody laughed except me... in my mind. I thought it was hilarious, but apparently it wasn't.

On an unrelated note, I've been feeling guilty lately cause of the whole Brittany thing. I called the Executive Secretary this afternoon and scheduled an appointment with the Bishop for tomorrow. I thought the guilt would just go away eventually, and maybe it would have... but I thought I should probably talk with him about it anyway. I'm a little nervous.

-Calvin

41 comments:

Alexis! said...

<3 I would skip New Moon. Just sayin'!

kelleidoscope said...

You didn't think New Moon was that boring? I would skip paragraphs at a time because it was boring me to death. But whatever :)

Don't cops in Utah have anything better to do? The ones here wouldn't talk to my friend and I after we were freakin' chased by Mexicans. They said they had better things to do.
But my friend over there got pulled over for having his music too loud. Sorry, he got 'pulled' over. Bike cops.

Amy said...

HA! What Aaron said cracks me up!! Oh my gosh. That's too funny. The books are always much better. I thought this movie was ok. Twilight sucked. New Moon wasn't bad. I think it's funny that all of you went.

P.S. When will you be done with Tori?

Jade said...

Sorry to ask questions, but who is Brittany? I want to read about her, unless it's not on the blog... but sorry your feeling guilty about it, but talking with the Bishop will help you to feel better, and don't worry about being nervous it sucks but is worth it.

And Loved Aaron's comment, cracked me up!

Anonymous said...

Wait? Who's brittney? And what happened? There is no supplemental on her?

S said...

Agreed. Some of the movie was boring, I think I zoned out until the music or the moaning girls woke me up.

Allison said...

For the Twilight series, it seems like the books are always better! :D Haha. Aaron of the sex arrows is funny. Boobs, ha. Kristen has none. And that's perfectly alright, mind you- I have none either! :D

Alexandra said...

Aaron deserves a high-five for his comment; it was seriously hilarious. And probably something I'd say, which makes it a little weird.

Karina said...

Brittany's got a link on her name you guys.

I love Aaron. :D

Seneca said...

Calvin,
I am proud of you. This scripture always helps me to do something inspite of fear. I know going to the bishop is probably scary but I think you felt the need to do so for a reason. D&C 6:20-23

Ru said...

Good luck tomorrow Calvin, I'm sure you'll feel better soon. The worst part of anything is always worrying about it beforehand :)

Little Lovables said...

I liked it, but why was ALice dressed like a grandma the whole time?

And I read the Brittany thing, weird and trampy!

Nikki said...

Seriously this Twilight Moon barf shit is so not interesting. Teen-ager penises do nothing for me. But this trip to the Bish is of some interest...could you elaborate?

seanm said...

Liked your line to the cop. I'd like to think I'd've said it there, too, if i'd thought of it. Tori should've laughed. That's her job, as arm candy. If she can't hack it, and it appears that she can't, kick her to the curb, man.

Also, without knowing the rest of your details about Brittany, don't worry about it. Just enjoy the relief you feel after talking to him. I've had to talk to the bishop several times. My dad's a ward clerk. and he says as long as you don't have sex - like fornicate - i know some people think oral is sex, which it isn't, but as long as you don't do the actual thing, you're gravy.

Nikki said...

seanm, are you serious? Is this really how you treat repentance? Like you are going to a Wendy's freaking drive thru? As long as you don't have fries with that cheeseburger, you're cool. Dude, let's not forget the savior who paid for these sins, OK. Repentance is not your weekend hobby and oral sex is sex. Going to the bishop is nothing to brag about or is it?

Andee said...

I'm so glad you like twilight. You're cooler than Jake.

seanm said...

Dear Nikki, Ms. 42-yr-old-living-vicariously-through-people-about-half-your-age: I'm going to assume that you're the same as every other judgmental mormon I've ever met (as you are judging my post from 2 sentences you assume I take the idea of the atonement lightly), my intent is to defend the slander against me, so hopefully, you can get off your high horse and be nice to people.

First of all, thanks for noticing that I visit the bishop frequently. I do so of my own accord because I feel bad for what I've done. No one makes me. No one finds out and forces me to go. I go of my own volition. So, when I sin, it's not premeditated, and I pay the price necessary for that. Excuse me for going to church since the scriptures say I should: "11 And when the Pharisees saw it, they said unto his disciples, Why eateth your Master with publicans and sinners? 12 But when Jesus heard that, he said unto them, They that be whole need not a physician, but they that are sick." (Matt 9:11&12) I try to follow his example and encourage people when they need it, because I've been there before, and it's stressful.

I'm glad you're not my mom, though you should wonder, is that how you'll treat your kid? I'd hope not - or he'll be inactive because of your hypocrisy and insensitivity. The Savior loved, and then judged righteously.

And finally, I find it's always better to be upbeat about what the Saviors given us. We need to try to be our best each day, and sometimes we fall, and fall and fall. But isn't that the point? We all have our problems, and apparently some of us are proud of them, "I have a potty mouth. so sorry but bad habits are hard to break..." and some of us try to use our experiences to help others. just sayin'...@ least I'm working on mine, and haven't given up on my faults.

Declarations of a Drama Diva said...

Impressive that you actually read the series... I only read three of the four. Really you can skip the whole third book and be completely fine. ha ha.

Twilight... I ranted on it on my blog.

The main points are: Vampires shouldn't glitter in the sunlight and there should be some acutal con to becoming one... (just saying.)

Heather said...

You read the books? Wow that's more than my husband did. He just sat there making fun of the entire Twilight movie once I bought it on DVD. I don't blame him though. He is a die hard movie fan and that was a load of crap for sure. I guess it's why I am not jumping through hoops to go see New Moon despite all my girl friends telling me how AWESOME it is. Im too much of a skeptic after the first.

amanda leeann said...

i have a girl crush on alice. kind of want to be her. and yes, she is freakin' hot.

haha! she def. does not have any boobs...poor edward.

at least you read the books-they're better anyway.

i am a total love skeptic tho-jus' sayin'

Shelby Lou said...

i cut my hair to look like alice.. kind of.

ummm new moon was awesome. so cheesy. so awesome.

tori...

the cop thing was hilarious. I probably would have laughed.

and the whole Brittany thing, do it, do what is right. Seriously, it will only get worse.

Brit O'Connor said...

Hey- at least the cop didn't drive her home. Happened to me once- when the guy's truck died...and a cop found us. :)

Jacob is gorgeous- so although the movie had boring parts, him taking off his shirt made up for that.

And Alice- gorgeous. I loved her outfits.

Kelly said...

That is pretty brave of you to admit that you read ALL the books. You must be really in touch with your feminine side Calvin.

Good thing you cleared up the question of your being gay by admitting your attraction to Alice and the boob joke. That was pretty funny!

Good luck with the Bishop. That is the manliest thing you could do!

And just to be like all the twenty somethings who comment here I am going to end with the ever popular....

-Just sayin!

(it's funny in my head)

ErinReu. said...

I'm not sure what you did with Brittany (even though I read your link), but I have been curious for quite some time as to the amount of concern you lend to the ideas you choose to perpetuate through your blog. I can’t help but wonder if a bishop would be more worried about the concepts of masculinity you portray in your writing than anything that might have happened when you and Brittany "got horizontal" together. The potential of ideas (e.g. how young single adults do/could/should relate to one another) to do damage is extremely high in the culture of Mormon young single adults—and I don’t doubt that you are aware of this.

It would be really interesting to read a post that explores how serious you take the contribution you make to your readers through blogging. Do you think people believe your stories? Do you think people believe your stories are made up? What do you think the consequences are of your portrayals?

You argue that you anonymity grants you the ability to be honest for the purposes of enlightening your readers, but, as you create your posts, where is the line between using anonymity for honesty and using anonymity as a license to be cruel for the purposes of a cheap “LOL” from readers?

A post about how you conceptualize the reaction of your ideal blog reader (and who your ideal blog reader is) would be a fascinating insight into the concept of this blog and the characters that you’ve created of yourselves.

And lest any of the commenters ream into me for being too serious, we ought to note the time and thought put into MBP posts, supplemental posts, tweets, facebook updates, people rating, surveys, and so on. That amount of dedication must be equally matched by a serious impetus for authoring this blog. And better knowing what that driving factor is could really kick this blog up a notch.

Montierth Madness said...

I bet that's not the first time that cop has seen Tori at that makeout spot. He probably knows her by name.

Gus, BYU Dude said...

Dude, you totally live in Provo don't you? Cause that thing with the police officer happens all the time in Rock Canyon Park.

Blazzer said...

Calvin,

Back to being the female writer of this blog I see... I guess one of you needs to relate to the ladies... I guess.

-Blazzer

Heather said...

"What are you waiting for?" I heard Aaron say, "Your boobs to get bigger."

hahahaahahah Please give Aaron a high five for me! I think he may be my favorite for saying that.

I love you for loving Alice. She is awesome.

Anonymous said...

gus- pretty sure that happens in parks all over utah. just sayin. its definitely happened to me... and not in provo.

Anonymous said...

calvin is a d-bag fag.

Team Jake!

Gus, BYU Dude said...

I stand corrected, it seems.

Ryan Hadlock said...

Seanm - nice post dude!

Montierth - Awesome take, funny as hell!!! :-D

brie said...

Re: Edward's sparkling skin.

Edward walks to the sunlight, unbuttons his shirt, and turns to Bella, exposing his *sparkly* skin.

Bella: "You're...beautiful."
Edward: "Beautiful? Bella, this is the skin OF A KILLER."

More like an angel. Or a pansy. WORST part of the movie for me. I cackled out loud and all the Twi-diehards got pissed.

Alice said...

Dang it. I was hoping you got arrested.

TechieGirl said...

seanm - loved your post!

Summer said...

Impressed you actually read the books. And...the sparkling thing is a bit odd.

Nikki said...

seanm, thanks for going with the ever popular "you are a vicariously old has been"...yep I have never heard that one before from anyone on this blog. Let me just be very clear...I am old, twice as old as many of you, I KNOW and I don't care. It isn't an argument. I know you are trying to insult and I am a fan of insults so go ahead and throw some at me.
Here is something else, I am totally judging you. I am telling you that I can put up with a lot of SHIT when it comes to Mormon culture, but when it comes to going to the Bishop to confess your dry humping and booby feeling I think it is wrong for you to refer to your repentance as "gravy"...The Bishop isn't the one taking care of that sin for you, do recall that part? You may be offended by my old lady judging but you need to stop bragging about your insincere, mislead repenting. I think you are crossing a line when you so flippantly describe your repenting as "gravy"...sorry that bugs. Nothing should be considered "gravy". I have seen families destroyed because of this mentality of the revolving door to the Bishops office. Sin now, repent later. Stay away from the big stuff and its all cool...is it? Is that really how it works? I can mess around and keep it to a minimum and its all gravy repentance? Thanks for the jacked up Sunday School lesson on the repentance process. I am glad you are a chronic repenter with gravy skills. At some point there is the part about not repeating the transgression...

Anonymous said...

Seanm, Nikki: I'm just going to eat some popcorn, hope you don't mind.

Oh, and Seanm, you may be interested in a little something called "floating", it's perfect for people like you who think that the Law of Chastity is only broken when you fornicate.

ngthagg said...

Nikki: You are absolutely correct. Rock on.
seanm: I assume by "gravy" you mean not disfellowshipped or excommunicated. That's a pretty low standard to aspire to.

TechieGirl said...

I think that it's important to remember that it may not be "gravy" when it comes to repentance, but as someone who has sadly been down that path, one of the things you need most at that time is an uplifting comment. Trust me. The Godly Sorrow that you feel makes it seem as though there is no light at the end of the tunnel. That you will spend forever in darkness and there is no way out. One of the things that helped me to get over the problem was that I had people that were there to make me feel a little better. My dislike for myself made it very easy to forget that I could get past this. That this was a small part of my eternal life. Am I proud of what I did? No. But I do think that Seanm's comment that "made light" wasn't necessarily a terrible thing. In your darkest hours you need someone to help you bring some light into your life. If Seanm brought some light into Calvin's life, then good. Calvin and his Bishop can discuss what is and isn't right. And frankly that's between Calvin and his Bishop. The great part about this religion is it's based on a very personal and individual relationship with Jesus Christ. It's up to each of us and our Savior how we handle life and what we do to grow closer to Him. It has nothing to do with what those around us feel about us, or what those around us are doing. Our main concern should be what we are doing personally to grow closer to Christ.

Karm said...

LMAO beaver teeth. good one.