Monday, November 9, 2009

Meet the Competition

I realized while writing this post, that I make a lot of obscure Mormon references. We are planning on putting together our own MBP list of Mormon definitions, but in the meantime, please use this link.

While I was in a super boring Sunday School class yesterday, I started exchanging text messages with Tori. She was apologizing profusely for canceling our date(s) last weekend. She asked if I'd come over after church and hang out... maybe play some games with her family. I thought it sounded like a great idea... except for the "family games" part. I figured the chances were slim I'd get to make out with her while her parents and younger siblings were playing UNO around the same table. Sometimes I wish I was confident enough to do one of those "table sweeps" where I sweep everything off the table and then throw a girl on top of the table and start making out. Doing it in front of her family would be the epitome of confident displays.

I got home after church and was getting ready to change into my p-day clothes before I left to go to Tori's. Then I thought, "Uh oh. What if they're one of those families who wear their church clothes all day long so they don't forget to keep the Sabbath Day holy?" I really didn't want to show up to Tori's wearing jeans and a wife beater so I sent her a text that said, "What should I wear?" About 15 seconds later I got her reply, "Comfortable shoes." I couldn't decide if she was being funny or if she really wanted me to wear a certain type of shoe. Well, Tori lives in East Bountiful... kind of up by the temple so I figured maybe she wanted to go on a hike or something since she's at the base of a mountain. So I changed into some hiking clothes that could also pass for Sunday Afternoon kickback attire and left.

When I got to her house I was invited in by her little brother. He said Tori was downstairs and that I should go ahead and go down. I pretended I wasn't familiar with the basement as I got to the bottom of the stairs. To my left, there was a TV room and it looked like most of her family were sitting in the chairs watching TV. Tori was in a different area of the large TV room and she was wearing this sleeveless shirt and some Track Bottoms... you know those bottoms that have button snaps up and down both legs? Her dad looked over from his chair and yells, "You must be Calvin." I thought about going over to shake his hand, but he was already staring back at the TV and didn't look like he was interested in standing up so I just yelled, "I am. Nice to meet you."

Tori and I engaged in some small talk for a little while during her stretching. It was pretty arousing to just sit there and watch her stretch. I wasn't really sure what I was supposed to be doing. Then she started explaining the names of her stretches. After a few more minutes, Tori said, "Can you help me with this one?". I said "sure" a little too loudly and fervently, cause her dad looked over to see what was going on.

Tori laid on her back and put her arms out to her side, palms down. Then she lifted her legs up so her body and legs are at a 90 degree angle. She asked me straddle her body (standing up, unfortunately) and slowly nudge her legs to the left or right or straight. Apparently, the idea is that she doesn't let her legs touch the ground, thereby giving her abs a workout.

As I stood there pushing her legs from side to side, I noticed her Track Bottoms were sliding down her legs, exposing her bare calves. After six or seven pushes, I was actually grabbing onto her bare legs with my hands... and I'm pretty sure my hands were cold and clammy. Blast. Her legs were smooth, though. I hope she didn't notice the moistness of my palms. Or maybe she did and was flattered that I was nervous. Who knows?

What I DO know is that her dad kept glancing over as I was light petting his daughters legs below the knee. I stalled a few times while I was holding her legs, pretending I was thinking about an answer to a question. Really, I was just stalling so I could hold onto her legs. I'm pretty sure she noticed.

After 20 reps, Tori says, "Your turn!" Oh man. I laid down on my back and tried to position my hands the same way she had. Then I hear the TV turn off. I was like, "Crap. What is everyone doing?" Her mom and sister turned around on the couch they were sitting on and started watching. I tried to lift my legs up like she had, but I could only get them to about a 45 degree angle. This is when I started to get embarrassed. I am sooooo not flexible. Tori says, "Is that as high and you can get them?" I say, "Yeah. That's it." She told me to bend my knees a little bit in order to get my legs up higher. Once my legs were as high as I could get them, Tori nudges my legs to the right and I totally flipped over. Not only did my legs hit the carpet... I couldn't even get them off the ground to the original position. Her mom and sister started laughing and then I heard her dad say, "What's so funny?" and I heard his freakin' Lay-Z-Boy chair fold up.

So now the whole family is watching Tori shove my legs as hard as she possible can (at least it felt like it) toward the ground. After about three of them, it felt like Andre the Giant had punched me in the stomach right after I'd eaten a huge dinner on a Fast Sunday. I wanted to die. I think I did a pretty good job of laughing at myself, though. I said something like, "Man this makes me wish I'd driven instead of running here. I guess I must be tired or something."

After I had been sufficiently mortified, Tori tells me that we're going for a jog and that's why she'd told me to wear comfortable shoes. We went outside and started to jog toward the Bountiful Temple. Before we even got out of her subdivision (and I'm not exaggerating), we passed three different guys who carried on 5 minute conversations with her while I was standing there... not being introduced. They were all her friends who just happened to live on her street. And they were all pretty good looking dudes, in my opinion.

When we finally got some time to ourselves, she explained how she'd grown up with all of those guys and they were all either waiting for mission calls or turning in their papers for their mission. Even though they're all leaving soon, I still found myself slightly intimidated by all of the attention she was getting from them. I guess I should be prepared for competition and spontaneous work-outs and exercising, right? I mean, she's a BYU-H cheerleader, after all.

Things got much, much better after we got to the temple and slowed things down a bit. We walked around, held hands, and kissed for a while. Luckily, I had some of those Liquorice Altoids in my pocket and she likes black liquorice so it was significantly more pleasurable than the Greek food and Sprite. It was a good thing we were in a situation where we couldn't be horizontal, though. Those button snaps aren't enough to hold me back.

-Calvin

133 comments:

Shelby Lou said...

dude. calivn. you need to work out. srsly, if you are going to keep up with this girl. make it happen. yoga my dear, yoga. OH my lanta I almost died of laughter at the last part.. haha those snaps aren't enough to hold me back. LOL

Good times.

Living In Your Letters said...

Hmm...I think Tori is either really confident or really odd...but considering she's a cheerleader...probably just really confident. Glad you can keep up with her. :)

PS - Black licorice? Really?

kelleidoscope said...

Oh gosh haha. She sounds like she could kick your butt Calvin! Girls that have the motivation to work out on their own are awesome.
The not being introduced to her friends thing is kinda lame, but maybe she didn't know what to introduce you as? Like..she didn't know whether to call you her friend or..more than friend. Whatever, I dunno. She could have just said "This is Calvin"

Sounds like an interesting date.. at least you got to kiss!

Alexandria said...

Hmmm...I agree with Living In Your Letters. Really confident or really odd? That whole thing seems a tad strange.

The not introducing things is odd too. But hey she is a foxy cheerleader so go Calvin!!

The button snap pants comment is hilar.

Brittany said...

haha I loved it! I do those ab exercises all the time and it is STILL hard so don't feel too bad! I was dying laughing when you were describing how you couldn't get your legs all the way up! Try stretching more often lol!

Alexandria said...

Oh and thanks for the link! Some of your references were totally lost on me.

Ash Att said...

Oh my! Calvin, this makes me laugh. Those ab work outs are freaking hard! My cheer coach made us do those, everday. Oh the pain. I did like that last part about the button snaps arent enough to hold you back. I busted up laughing. good one :)

Bekah Buttons said...

love it. great story.

but.... p-day clothes? Help a non-Mormon out!

Waiting On a Missionary said...

we're a fan of tori. but what?? running on sunday??

Heidi said...

I'm sorry, but Tori is one odd duck. Rubbing her hair, bailing on you all weekend for other people, exercising with you on Sunday... I think I will be able to add to the list the next time you see her. So far, she's strange. To each his own... but I think you can do better.

Heather Kawski said...

What kind of a weird family does she have that they all stopped what they were doing to watch you? lol Talk about awkward. But I'm glad that you at least had a little bit of fun, despite all the awkwardness.

Kristin Lee said...

Yeah kind of odd. But odd can be good. Except that's not cool about her not introducing you...that is a red flag.

The black kind? Really? Sick.

I laughed so hard at the button snap comment.

Nate said...

Liquorice? On temple grounds? Isn't that against the Word of Wisdom? Oh, you probably meant licorice...;-)

Calvin said...

Thanks, Nate... but I meant liquorice.

bd said...

Cal- This chick is uber weird. I wouldn't walk away, I'd run. I once had a similar (but worse) first experience meeting the family... I still look back on it as one of the funniest and craziest things ever. Realize that Tori has obviously been raised like that and has caught on perfectly. You'll recognize it more with time, but this girl is bonkers.

Brittany said...

Is it looked down upon to run on sunday? Sorry im not mormon but people seem to be upset by it!

Amy said...

I like Tori. "Weird" seems to be a popular word to describe her. She's has done some weird things. First the hair-petting thing. Then this? Weird. Oh well I like her. EVERYBODY is weird in their own way. Glad you two got to spend time together. You are so gonna have to stretch and workout more to keep up with her. She will totally kick your A if you're not careful. Haha.

Amy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Brittany said...

and i forgot! I have snap up pants like that I love them!

T. L. C. said...

Calvin, I seriously made it on the sidebar?!? Wow. What a way to wrap up a birthday weekend. Now I've made it!

Any who, I actually AM interested to hear about new "adventures" w/ Tori. So far, in my opinion {which doesn’t matter} is "hummmmm...."

I live in the south SO any Dad that doesn’t get up to at least shake hands with "the new guy"...loses points in my book as far as family goes...but for her, I would just like to know where you think this is going? Do you even want this to lead to being serious or are you still in that "will see" stage?

Allison said...

She's great- maybe a tad strange, but hey- who isn't!? Did you get to talk to her family any more? Are they nice?

Tara said...

C-

I have sooo many issues with this hang out it's not even funny. I'm not liking her half as much as I used to. I can go into detail, but I'm guessing you really don't care...;)

Are you SURE you are not just into her because she is a BYU-H cheerleader?

Mich n Dan said...

Oh man meeting the family is always so nerve racking! I was laughing when you told us how you fell over doing the ab work out. She should have introduced you to her friends. Other than that at least you got to hang with her right?

Andee said...

I'm pretty sure this is the first time I have laughed hysterically at one of your posts. I wish so badly I could have seen you attempting those throw downs.

Zabes-Yap said...

Cheerleading? I must have missed that part in the last blog. I don't know why but I still cringe.... Lol. She sounds pretty self assured... that's for sure. Good luck.

Anonymous said...

Calvin...

I think you are totally lying. Sorry. But, you just said that this chick graduated just barely and now she is a BYUH cheerleader, which would mean that she'd have to be in Hawaii to be doing that or how else would she have the "job". Also, I highly doubt that you guys took a jog on a Sunday.

Sorry dude. Lies, lies....

So much for honest blogging.

Autumn said...

7:33 What are you talking about? Honestly, you just pulled that one out your ass. Anyways, Calvin, great job, but I have to admit, she it a little strange and her family seems really weird. If she's LDS, then her family is REALLY weird. The fact that her dad didn't even shake your hand and they didn't give you the time of day kinda freaks me out. I don't get it.

Snap-up pants can't stop you huh? Dang you are so a mormon boy. I've heard that line before, from a mormon boy. Keep it real :] I love it. Honest blogging is the best kind.

Jade said...

She's a seducer! Working out and showing you how flexible she is, letting you see her legs, the button snap pants.... Calvin she wants you! haha

dose of reality said...

I have said it before and I will say it again. I do not like tori. I am sure she is a nice girl but the playing with the hair thing was weird to begin with. Then I thought well maybe he should just see if there are any other red flags. Holy crap - there are so many red flags here. She is needy, her family is different. She has no problem embarrassing you, she doesn't even introduce you to her family or friends. She cancels dates for lame reasons, and she could have even offered to meet up with you later that night after the other events she was going to. I am sure you are seeing the red flags though, I hope!

Plus I hate to call you out on this, because you are probably just trying to change details to protect your anonymity. I agree with the above comment that the BYU-H cheerleader thing has to be a lie. You said you were going to a haunted house with her cheerleader friends. I hardly believe that all her friends moved from Hawaii to Utah. That's just weird.

Calvin said...

Are you saying that there's no possible scenario where Tori could be a BYU-H cheerleader? Just wondering.

Brittany said...

I'm confused

M and C said...

I like tori. the end

Angela said...

Anon. 7:33:

All of her friends from highschool are leaving on missions, which would make them around 19. That would give Tori at least a year out of highschool, and at least a year to be a cheerleader for BYU, weather Utah OR Hawaii. Just sayin.


Calvin: Honestly I didn't really like Tori after the whole hair thing, and even though this "date" was kind of strange,(jogging on Sunday? On temple grounds?) I'm kinda liking her. Maybe she just is REALLY confident. I'd for sure see where this goes, as long as you're careful, and don't let her break your heart. LOL And I'm glad you weren't too embarassed in front of her family and were able to laugh at yourself. That had to earn you points in her book. Not that you care...

Alexandria said...

Um..don't you all remember that he wrote or tweeted that she was a BYU-H Cheerleader? That was like on of the first things we heard about her!

Chill folks...

seanm said...

First, I'm wondering if I'm the only guy who reads this blog...? Google reader suggested it to me, and it kind of reminds me of my days in Utah, and it's entertaining, so whatever.

Calvin, this girl sounds cool. You better keep playing your personality because you don't seem like you can really hang with her physically (so be grateful!). But nonetheless, that's one helluva hill up to the temple.

Bekah- p-day clothes are those missionaries wear on their preparation day: the one day of the week they don't have to go knock on doors; they usually do laundry and play basketball. Hence, p-day clothes are usually a shirt and basketball shorts.

Waiting on a Missionary - serious? judging a guy for running on sunday? Puh-leeze. It doesn't matter if a man runs on Sunday. He's out 'appreciating nature'. It's probably better than watching football, which I am guilty of 3 times every sunday (depending on the double header).

Sam, The Nanti-SARRMM said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lauren said...

ok, so I think it's a little strange to post a comment when I don't even know you guys, but I get a good laugh from reading this blog so here it goes...

Tori is only 18 and from Utah, the whole introducing people and including them in the conversation comes with age and manners. There are some "red flags" for some, but Calvin it's really your call. Good luck!

dose of reality said...

I guess there are possibly scenarios that Tori could be a BYU-H cheerleader.

I don't know maybe she moved back home after her first year or few months of school. Maybe her BYU cheerleader friends were visiting from Hawaii for the weekend.

It just seems a little suspicious.

btw... if you are bluffing, you are good at it.

Blazzer said...

Again the "anonymous" showcase their ignorance.

Tori (not her real name) is on a date with Calvin (not his real name) she is a cheerleader (or maybe she's a soccer player or a ballet dancer) who lives in Bountiful (or Orem, Alpine, Ogden, Kaysville, Draper, Cedar Hills, Flagstaff) by a Temple (Yeah maybe, or maybe not) She lives on a steep hill (probably more likely the truth then the rest)they go on a jog, she talks to other dudes, and has a weird family.

If MBP is to keep its anonymity any of the things in parenthesis could be changed without compromising the actually integrity of the story. If any of the above possibilities are true it doesn't matter because everything else in the post and the point of the post still rings true.

Tori is still, as I mentioned in the beginning, a waste of Calvin's time.

Tara said...

I'm with you Blazzer on the whole details thing. Except I like Tori - and I think she really is a cheerleader...

Even if the details weren't changed though. Couldn't she have made the team starting in BYU-Hawaii in the spring. It is registration right now is it not? She was likely a cheerleader in High School too, so wouldn't she still hang out with her whole HS squad? Like at a haunted house or something? Come on people! The fact that Calvin doesn't bother to explain the small facts like this to us just speaks more so to the truth of this blog.

Nate said...

In the end, my bet is there will not be anything serious or long term here with Tori. Calvin, use her for the arm candy, make out, whatever else you are after, and then move on. She's too young, too spoiled, and too strange to waste too much effort on (and she doesn't seem to be that into you).

Just my 2¢ for whatever it's worth.

f1trey said...

alright dude...heres the truth...ready?......say "im ready"
A BYU cheerleader has been GROOMED for appearances verbally, and socially, for .....years.......years.....in preparation I say....... I have a STRONG feeling that her niceness you are mistaking for genuine love interest....she more than likely makes every man who shows up in her presence feel like they are a king......
you have it right...they are competition..... man up.....the strong survive.....if you want in the race ..bring your A game......nothing less will do......

Heather said...

Honestly some of these comments are hilarious. What colorful people you have reading your blog.

Nikki said...

I don't really like Tori. No I don't know her and I don't need to. I don't even need a write up on her little Jane Fonda work-out to know that she is a complete retard. Don't take this personal Calvin it has been mentioned that you can use her for some fun, but at the end of the day she is a teen-ager and that is all I need to know. Teen-agers are aliens. Monsters from a different planet. Technically she just barely finished puberty about 5 minutes ago and that alone screams stay the hell away. She is a control freak and at this age Calvin, you should be in charge and yet you were coaxed into her room to play with her hair, hang out with her family on a Sunday and go for a jog around the Temple for fun. Confident? No. Controlling. I didn't start exerting that much control over a man until I was married. This chick is already Mommy dearest and she just barely started wearing a bra. Did she ever graduate from YW? Have her recite the YW theme she will know it like it was yesterday...oh it was yesterday. Point is, she is an entitled teen-ager. Am I judging? Hell yes. Teen-agers suck. But if you want a barely legal piece of ass then I guess...go for it! But like oh my gosh what man doesn't!

TechieGirl said...

Tori just seems a little young and cheerleaders can really easily get caught up in their lives and forget about those around them. But if you like her then I hope things work out for you in the way you want them too.

As for the BYU-H thing, I have several friends from Utah, that spent one of their freshman semesters at BYU-H and are now at BYU-U. That is an option for people who choose that school.

Blazer, Nate, and seanm: I loved your comments! I enjoy reading them as much as I enjoy reading this blog.

Bethany said...

What the random working out...on a sunday night....that is the day of rest doesn't Tori know that! haha! At least you got some kissing out of it!

Busy Bee Lauren said...

Hmm...I liked Tori before, but then the whole hair-stroking situation happened. I played it off as, "hm, well maybe she just has a weird quirk...aint no thing." But then the work out?

Calvin, she is carefully calculating what will turn you on so that she can wrap you around her finger. I am positive of this.

She totally saved that leg/ab thingy for last so that you could help her. She WANTED you to be turned on. And it seems like her family is used to this behavior...which, I think is a red flag.

I say, watch out. Don't invest too many feelings with her, because those feelings might be crushed.

Lauren said...

I think you need to have your guard up around her. She does seem like the kind of girl that makes guys fall for her because she knows exactly what to do, then she peaces out and finds her next prospect. Leaving the guy crushed and falling for her.

I am also from the south, and it is weird to me that 1) Tori's dad let her stay out with you until 2 a.m. on a first date AND 2) He didn't even get up to shake your hand or try get to know someone spending time with his daughter.

Like earlier commenters said, this isn't unusual behavior for her to bring new guys home so her family isn't phased by meeting the next one that comes around.

dose of reality said...

Blazzer, I agree with you. But just because I am saying his story doesn't add up does not mean I am ignorant. He said himself that some details have been changed. It is fun to try and mess with them and see what is true and not true.

I wish there were more anonymous commenters like there were in the beginning of this blog so that people would be more honest.

Now most of the commenters just seem to be interested in hooking up with them and don't want to say anything negative (or honest) for fear they will lose a chance with them.

Sam, The Nanti-SARRMM said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ryan Hadlock said...

Seanm, you're not the only guy reading the blog. Blazzer, F1Trey, Nate and I also post pretty regularly.

First thing for you Seanm is - Invest in the NFL network, whatever you have to do to get the Red Zone Channel (155 on Dish) you'll never leave the house on a Sunday! EVERY big play, every Red Zone play, Every score from EVERY game!!! It is the greatest thing ever invented.

For Calvin, dude, you have GOT to man up a little bit here. I get that you're a newly minted RM, but man, walk up to that Dad and shake his freakin hand! When you meet her friends - introduce yourself! Do it once and she won't forget again. Don't be intimidated by her or her family or friends.

And, I think the dudes are right, this chick is out there and playin you somehow. Clear your head a little - get in, get off, get out (in the appropriate Mormon fashion, of course) and move on. Keep in touch, whatever, but let her grow up a little and then see how things go.

BTW, I will be purchasing the tear away workout pants for all of my dates from now on, those sound awesome ;-)

Sylvia said...

After reading some of the posts with the comments about the way you look at woman it really makes me think that you guys aren't sincere or kind people. You probably think most people think the way you do and you're just being confident enough to write it here on this blog but a caring person wouldn't even have some of those thoughts... like "Shelly belly jelly." And I know with the popularity of the blog that is not helping because your egos are getting so big. Just thought I would throw that out there to make you think about the type of person you are portraying.

About Tori... maybe you should play a little hard to get and not be so available to her. Make her work for it if she is really into you.

Nate said...

TechieGirl - Thanks for the props, but I'm out of my league when compared to these guys. They are far more entertaining than my comments could ever be. ;-)

Calvin - my apologies for questioning your spelling prowess. Apparently I was mistaken.

Jeff said...

Sylvia: It could be possible that they are being honest about their thoughts, about what a girl looks like and everything. Even the most kind and caring dude can fall will have some of those thoughts when around a pretty enough girl.

They may not say it out loud, well apart from the blog, but it doesn't mean that they aren't being honest about it and could be genuinely nice guys.

20 Something said...

She can be a BYUH Cheerleader and not be going there this semester. My friends doing the same thing it is possible. . . . Good Post, Tori is a little weird, but girls do weird things to get guys.

Danielle said...

Tori is a little different but at least she is being honest with who she is. She is not trying to be someone she is not to please you which is good... buuut you should try to step up the game of hard to get.

Laura said...

Based on my EXTENSIVE (haha) experience...
this girl Tori just sounds a little immature. If you're willing to look past that, then fine, but be aware that immature girls tend to be pretty FLAKY. Mostly they like guys they can chase and once the chasing is done..they tend to get bored and move on. I'm not talking all young inexperienced girls, but most. I know because I was once like that.

Mauri said...

hm I liked her but she does kind of seem a little weird. The hair thing was a little strange & then doing the stretching thing with her family all watching...awkward. But it sounds like you guys enjoyed your time together...just be careful of 18 yr old attractive cheerleader girls who have lots of guys friends...been there played that game. I think she likes the attention & that she can get you to do anything. A jog to and/or around the temple on sunday is a bit odd...

Jody Lynn said...

Wow, this is too funny Cal. You make me laugh. "Button snaps" and the part about the stretches. I could totally picture you struggling. Ha.

I can't believe she didn't introduce you to her friends as you were...jogging? What Mormon even goes jogging on a Sunday?

As for Jamba Juice, I like energy boosts of course. How about for you?

Jake said...

Ryan you forgot to mention that the other awesome thing about NFL Redzone (in HD) is that there are NO Commercials! It's like hooking up an I.V. with cocaine and pumping it directly into your blood stream.

If you did the cocaine thing... which of course I don't because it's so against the word of wisdom or the being subject to kings thing (I'm not sure which one it falls under actually) but NFL Redzone is super!

Lula! said...

What are p-day clothes? And why was she wearing a tank top? I thought Mormons couldn't bare their shoulders.

And Calvin...I just dunno about Tori all of a sudden. I'm a southern belle, but even if I wasn't, it's just plain rude for her to not have introduced you to the neighborhood peeps. A quick, "Calvin, this is Joe" would've sufficed.

I'm not judging her. Well, I guess I am. But politeness is a BIG thing. I don't are how good of a kisser she is.

Tera said...

I'm surprised no one has commented on the "table sweep" yet. I think a "table sweep" would turn a girl on just as much as it would a guy. Well it would definitely do it for me anyway, but maybe not on a second or even a third date. You would have to wait until you were pretty serious with the girl.

Nate said...

Lula - I think someone commented about the P-Day clothes above, but it refers to Mormon missionaries. They are required to wear shirts and ties for six days out of the week as they go around helping people, teaching about Jesus Christ and the Church, etc. The idea is that they are representatives of the Lord, so they need to dress in their "missionary uniform."

One day out of the week, their Preparation Day (P-Day), they do things like get groceries, write letters, play basketball, do the laundry, etc. Basically, whatever they need to do to prepare for the next week. On this day, the dress code is more relaxed, so they can wear T-shirts, jeans, basketball shorts, etc.

Calvin was just asking Tori whether he should change out of his church clothes (shirt and tie).

samnhal said...

hmm, Jake went to the same high school as me and Tori lives in the same town as me...Maybe I'll just start hanging around the temple more looking for team joggers. I think it is kind of weird that she invited you over and went on a jog randomly...what happened to the games?

~kiMbeRLy~ said...

Ditto to the BusyBee and Lula...exactly what I was thinking.

CarrieBradshaw* said...

She just seems... weird. haha I would never start stretching and doing workouts with guys that soon. I guess I just use that as my alone time. And in front of her family? I think she might be a serial killer underneath it all.

PS were you really wearing a wife beater before you changed?

CarrieBradshaw* said...

Oh and I agree with the first comment by Shelby Lou. YOGA

Lizz said...

Because we do know that details are changed to protect anonymity, it is fairly safe to assume that Tori is not a cheerleader. We also know that Calvin likes girls who are not super skinny - which rules out 99% of college cheerleaders - I would put my money on Tori being a softball or soccer player since they tend to run a couple sizes larger than cheerleaders.

And so what if Tori is a player - if Calvin is enjoying being played - he is still REALLY young and in no way should he be pressured into "finding the one" right now - let him enjoy his youth while he can.

And last of all - I'm a Mormon and i jog on Sundays all the time - we have been commanded to take care of our bodies after all.

Alexandra said...

Maybe she's on the gymnastics team?

Anyway- I think Tori's a player. Which is only a problem if you're looking to actually have a relationship with her, rather than a few NCMOs and flirty dates before she goes off to whatever college she does whatever sport at.

Mormon Bachelor Pad said...

FYI guys. She is a cheerleader and she's borderline too skinny. She's short, though. I'm pretty sure she's the girl they throw... but I'm not positive about that.

-c

christa elyce said...

i would say the same...tori does seem a bit immature. Well as you've said she's a freshman and probably still stuck in the high school mentallity.

the hair thing...i like. but i wouldn't do it on a first date. never. the jog...yah maybe...hm.

you need to get married...you sound like you are soon to make mistakes with tori if ya'll aren't careful.

Jolayne! said...

Oh man you are defintely getting played. From what I have noticed, almost you plan something she can't make it. But if hanging out is more on her terms its awesome, since then she can plan every single detail to a tee. Literally, she thinks of everything she can do to look cute and turn you on. As well, if her dad didn't give a second glance to the guy who just took his daughter on a date til the wee morning, you obvious are on a string of many and he has just given up trying to keep up or even make contact. You're jsut the flavor of the week. Same with the whole friends deal, if she's not introducing, then she is way more interesting in them, then the guy she is with. Maybe you do like getting played and you are well aware of it and think you can swing it around, well all I can say is good luck dude. Have fun.

Zabes-Yap said...

ADVERTISMENT-PURE GENIUS!

Forgot to mention this prior but you guys are starting to really take this whole blog to the next level. The propaganda…. Love your new logo and how you incorporated it into your photos…. Sheer brilliance!
I bet you anything you could start selling and you’d have girls actually buy your shirts. Starting using it to your advantage! Maybe you could start a small business at the side. Ha ha…. Lol Oh man… it’s ridiculous but I’m certain it would work!

Zabes-Yap said...

Also I'm new to blogging... how do you use surveys? (posting them on your blogs and such...)

Nate said...

You should have introduced yourself to her dad. Said something like, "Hi, my name is Calvin. I'm here to make out with your daughter. And maybe stroke her hair while she falls asleep."

Take charge and be confident, man! ;-)

Girl101 said...

Just because shes a cheerleader doesnt automatically make her immature, rude, ignorant, and everything else people have been saying.
Though stretching like that is a sure fire attempt to turn a guy on from a distance. That does seem quite immature.

I knew a girl who would make it her goal to excite guys on mass.
In sunday school.
She'd purposely lean back and stretch herself in her chair,
to the point where you could see the bottom of her stomach and a
tiny bit of her underwear.
She'd shake her hair, and finish up with a little sigh. (One of those sighs that could be heard as a sexual moan. Which it was, because the audience were sexually deprived guys.)
This was all carefully practised.

Make no mistake Calvin, girls are dangerous.

Blazzer said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAKE! Just noticed on Boob Nazi's blog that it's your birthday!!! Wanted to be the first one of your devoted to wish you a happy one. 22 right?

hi said...

whoa whoa whoa!
do not get too hung up on the fact that she is a cheerleader from BYUH
in no way is this an accomplishment at BYUH, they are pretty much a joke

TechieGirl said...

Following Blazzer's lead, Happy Birthday Jake! =)

Ryan Hadlock said...

"And why was she wearing a tank top? I thought Mormons couldn't bare their shoulders." - Lula!

Hahahahahahahahaha, I love stuff like that! It's Kneecaps, no showing of the Kneecaps - We're Mormon, not Amish, Jeez! :-D

Anonymous said...

RYAN- you shouldn't bare your shoulders. Modesty???

Nate said...

This new design is awful and I can't even read it. Switch it back to the black and white!

TechieGirl said...

Anon 9:08 am -

You can still get a Temple Recommend if you wear tank tops and are not endowed.

TechieGirl said...

Calvin or Jake whoever is playing with the background, check your email now!

Anonymous said...

you can also get a temple recommend if you cus, gamble or have tattoos. that does not make them right.


tori wearing a tank top just shows how slutty she is.

whyimstillsingle said...

Thank you for reminding me why I can't live among large Mormon populations, Anonymous. :)

Joie said...

Tori was going to workout (jog) and it's okay to wear a tank top then. It doesn't make her a slut.

Joelle said...

Oh my gosh... people calling this girl a slut because she wears a tank top?! Come on!
I would have to say that not only are we making Mormons sound like prudes, but the comments are also making Mormons look SUPER judgmental. Hopefully you all are NOT serious.

seanm said...

So, I just realized, Calvin, you need to watch Zombieland - re: brushing a girls hair over her ear.

And, anonymous 9:53, you deserve to be single your entire life. Or, to marry a guy who lives in the Clyde building at byu and therefore, doesnt have a clue how to keep the romance in the relationship. Harsh, I know, but apparently, you dont want it, so why waste someone with talent?

TechieGirl said...

ROTFLMAO! seanm that was awesome!

Ryan Hadlock said...

Anonymous 9:08: Really? So you're running around town in a wrist to ankle outfit? Do you wear a bonnet and apron with that? How about when you're swimming? Fully covered? Is your full body suit made of wool with lovely red stripes? I haven't been in a YW meeting for a while, but I'm pretty sure there's nothing that says seeing shoulders is immodest? Side boob maybe, but that's why you LAYER! And she's working out, so this argument is just plain dumb.

Anonymous 9:53 I don't even know what to say here. Truly a loss for words. I'm gonna guess your name is Shelly and you weigh 3 bills and can't FIT into a Shade tanktop, am I right? Don't be jealous, I'm sure there's a nice chubby-chaser out there for you somewhere. And I'm sure he likes girls with nasty attitudes as well. Calling a girl a slut because she wears a tanktop, re-GD-diculous. Put down the Ho-Ho's and hit the treadmill so you can feel better about yourself. Jeez.

Anonymous said...

Hi - this is anonymous 9:53. I guess my comment about tori wearing a tank top and being slutty does sound a little judgemental and that is not the point I was trying to make. I made that comment about tori - not all people everywhere. Her actions contributed to why I feel that way.

I agree there are appropriate times to wear a tank top. All I know is that the mormon girls that I knew that wore tank tops all of the time were the girls that were pregnant before they graduated from high school - and they were doing a lot more than jogging.

And I am sorry to disappoint you seanm and ryan hadlock, but I am happily married, and a size 6. ;) And I will say that I feel sorry for your future wives if this is the way you treat women.

I bet that if you were to ask Mormon parents if they would want their Mormon sons to date girls wearing tank tops all of the time, most of them would say no - unless they don't mind buying pampers in 9 months.

For someone that is calling someone else out on being judgemental you all sure sound very judgemental yourselves.

whyimstillsingle said...

Clearly there is a direct correlation between wearing a tank top and getting pregnant.

Cathy said...

I went for a run yesterday in a tank top... does this mean I'm going to get pregnant?! Crap.
For the record I raised an eyebrow at the tank top - perhaps a blatant attempt to get his attention, but not a direct indication of her spirituality or righteousness. She's a cheerleader, I'm sure going for a run in a tank top and track pants is no big deal to her. I've grown up playing sports and therefore wearing shorts shorter than my knees just isn't a big deal to me if I'm playing games or running or sitting on my couch watching a movie.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous 9:53... wow what a bigoted moron you are. Sure sounds like you need to get out of whatever hick town you come from.

You're a size 6 female? Hah yeah right. More like a 45 year old, fat bald single man who hates Tori because she was the type of girl who was mean to you cause you were just so FREAKING WEIRD. Get a life.

Anonymous said...

I agree with Anonymous 9:53. Sometimes when small rules are broken (like modesty) that can lead to big rules that are broken (like premarital sex).

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.

Anonymous said...

Wow, who knew that tank tops would be such a hot topic.

Girls that wear skimpy clothes, especially when they know a guy is coming over to their house to "jog" or whatever are looking for attention from guys. End of story!

Jill said...

Most girls are looking for attention from guys - that is what makes dating exciting and fun - and MOST girls want to come off as attractive and sexy. I've been married for 5 years - so the whole dating games has been a while for me - but I wore tank tops and short shorts all the time before I got married. I was not even close to being slutty - I was way to shy, I probably envied the girls who were slutty because they seemed to have confidence.

I never partied, or made out with guys on first or 2nd dates - I also was very much not pregnant in 9 months of dating my husband - in fact 5 years later we are having our first child. (and yes, my husband still regrets that I no longer wear tank tops or shorts above the knee cap).

And as far as parents wanting/not wanting their son to date me despite wearing tank tops.....the year I graduated from high school, a lot of parents with sons coming home from their missions that summer told their sons to ask me out.

Ryan Hadlock said...

whyimstillsingle - did they not teach that in YW? Maybe it's true that Gonorrhea comes from tractors too! :-D

And YES Anon 9:53, I will jump down your throat for being SOOOO lame. A tanktop has ZERO correlation to pregnancy. To even intimate that there is a relationship is AS ignorant a statement as I've seen. Just because YOU don't choose to wear tanktops (and there is NO way you're a six or you wouldn't be afraid to show your face here) doesn't mean everyone else has to agree with YOU!

The ONLY reason people come on these blogs to hate is because they are GREEN with envy. It's lame, and I will happily make fun of you as long as you're anonymous and hating.

anonymous 9:53 said...

Y'all done figured me out! I'm from a hick town and I'm a 45 year old bald fat guy. My name is shelly and I sit around eating ho hos all day.

I have standards, but that just means I don't know nothing about having fun.

And I am totally lying about my size, that's why I am so afraid to show my face.

Yep, you are a great judge of character. I wish I had me some of them skills.

Hey ryan, they never taught me that you can get them std's from tractors. I will sure as heck stay away from them from now on.

Sorry to interrupt your fun - y'all can go back to wearing slutty clothes and getting pregnant.

p.s. jake and calvin are both anonymous, and call people fat behind their back. I am no different than they are.

Anonymous said...

Just because I am anonymous doesn't make me a hater.

Ryan you're a freaking idiot!

Tara said...

Thanks for coming clean Anon 9:53...

What a relief to know everything people have guessed about you is true.

Matt said...

Heh heh heh, anonymous 9:53, your name is Shelly.

Like Smelly Shelly belly full of smelly Shelly jelly belly's. ha ha ha ha ha

That's funny.

No wonder you don't like tank tops tubby.

Megan said...

Take it easy on Anonymous 9:53 people.

It's a tough life being bald and fat and old.

Lets show some charity and have a little understanding.

Go ahead 9:53 take out your crappy life on me... go on... seriously it's okay... judge me... hate me... I'm her to mourn with those who mourn.

Ryan Hadlock said...

Ouch anonymous, you got me, I'm an idiot, darnit all! Come on, if you're going to try to play on the internet at least be clever, sheesh.

And the MBP guys are anonymous to protect OTHER people's identities, not simply their own. And chances are they aren't cave dwelling golums either, so you're behind on several counts now.

Megan, you can make me feel better anytime, you're sweet. And I see you're wearing a tanktop, so you'll be getting knocked up soon. I hope you got a good baby-daddy ;-)

Ryan Hadlock said...

Hey Megan - my wife left me because I am addicted to pornography. Want to meet up later?

Megan said...

Oh, which ever one of you anonymousers made the last comment you accidentally typed in Ryan Hadlocks name, no doubt because of your idolization of him... whoopsy.

You are really lucky you made that mistake since you're spouting your masturbatory habits on the world wide web.

Sorry, I would love too, but I have plans later.

I will pray for you

Megan said...

Good one Megan (great name BTW) I think "it" was talking to me.

It's really too bad I have plans later too. Shoot.

TechieGirl said...

Wow can you say Flame war! Dude, I get a kick out of reading everyone eat each other alive. Y'all take this so seriously, and I do too. Probably why I read and post on here. =)

Nikki said...

Whoa just read through these comments and what a bunch of freaking anonymous retards. Tank tops slutty? How about what we wore in the 70's, tube tops and daisy dukes. Now that is slut wear last I checked I was a virgin when I got hitched. The only reason people comment anonymously is because they are mentally retarded and unsure of themselves and their opinions. If you anonymous bitches and assholes really care that much about "church standards" and the enforcing of them, that you go to a blog and play Jesus, then you have issues. Your need to point out flaws and doctrinal dismisses is right out of Satans playbook. You know the one where he thought he knew better than ALL OF US. Do us and yourself a favor and go be awesome somewhere else.
And as for all the "hater" labels. GAY AS EFFING HELL. I would say the f-word here but this is not a bomb zone. I can't stand that hater shit. Its so on the same level as bitching about a freaking tank top. Seriously, I can deal with any other name calling but the hater tater. You sound like a bunch of freaking hippies. And I hate hippies and am a fan of hate most of the time. As a matter of fact I LOVE hate. PEACE OUT!

Anonymous Troll said...

Hey, you can use other people's names to make posts? COOL!

I like to blog jump and try to make others feel as miserable as I do! I know more about the church than anyone so I will impose my interpretation of "doctrine" on everyone else unfortunate enough to read this blog. And, my self-image is so poor I don't dare to show my face on a blog for fear of people not loving me.

PLEASE SOMEBODY LOVE ME!!!!

TechieGirl said...

ROTFLMAO!!!!! Anonymous Troll I'm dying here! That was great! =)

Ryan Hadlock said...

Ladies, ladies. No need to fight over me. I have plenty of std's to go around.

Oh wait you said you were too busy. I get that a lot. Maybe I need to think up a new pick up line.

Ryan Hadlock said...

Thanks everyone for sticking up for me. It's nice to know that there is a place I can go and treat people like an a-hole if they don't agree with me and people will stick up for me.

whyimstillsingle said...

Wow, someone is really obsessed with Ryan. Maybe he should consider blogging for MBP.

Anonymous said...

Bull crap Nikki. If I want to be anonymous there is nothing wrong with that. It is not about trying to force church standards on people, it is defending the uneducated things that people say. Like oh I can get a temple recomend when I am in a tank top because all my bishop sees is my cleavage so there is nothing wrong with dressing like a whore.

Or oh there is nothing wrong with wearing tank tops because I am a cheerleader and my goal in life was to be like all the slutty girls but I was too shy and so all the rm parents wanted me to date their sons.

I don't agree with the logic of these people and there is nothing wrong with defending my point of view.

And you're so right, tube tops are just so much sluttier than tank tops, what was I thinking!

I respect you because atleast you have the guts to say what you are thinking instead of just throwing out insults.

TechieGirl said...

Ok I'm bored now.

Ryan Hadlock said...

Hmm, I seemed to have touched a nerve with someone. My feelings are SO hurt :-( I don't know what to do, I feel suicidal. Some unknown loser who can't even nut up enough to show his/her face on a blog doesn't like me, I don't know what to do!!!! Let me beg your forgiveness for whatever wrong I have perpetrated against you (that means "I'm sorry", since it appears you maybe have a 3rd grade education)

Wait a tick...I don't feel bad...Oh, that was just sarcasm, I'm actually fine - PHEW! I'll tell you what, show yourself and then maybe I'll pretend to care :-)

Tara said...

Here is what I imagine Calvin and Jake Think about this comment thread.

Calvin "That anonymous troll is using other peoples names and some almost offensive stuff like STD's and pornography, should we do anything?"
Jake "No, it just means more hits."
Calvin "Right, because you can't check that little box that says 'email me follow up comments' if you're anonymous."
Jake "Yep, that anonymous character has to check the blog every 10 minutes just to see if someone commented."
Calvin "Ha Ha, that's awesome."

Good job boys.

Ryan Hadlock said...

Hey another girl with a low self esteem. Those seem like the only type that like me because then I can be the biggest a-hole that I want.

Anonymous said...

i'm bored too!

Sam, The Nanti-SARRMM said...

Clearly Ryan, you get a medal for portraying the entire human history - a bunch of guys being jerks to each other. This must clearly make you proud.

Anonymous said...

clearly

Anonymous said...

Hey Ryan, that's a genius idea.

Why don't all of the anonymous commenters show their face just so you can pretend to care. And why don't we do that so that you and all your followers can stalk our blogs, track us down on google earth and murder us in our sleep because we think you're an a-hole and that tank tops are slutty.

Ryan Hadlock said...

Sam, are you talking to me or the bizarro-Ryan? So hard to keep track anymore. :-D

And yes anonymous, I have nothing better to do than track you down on Google Earth. Get over yourself.

I'm not sure what girls with low self-esteem have to do with anything, but it was funny in Arrested Development, so I'll laugh at you for that.

Sam, The Nanti-SARRMM said...

The bizzaro ryan, I think.

Nikki said...

I am a little disappointed that I am respected for not throwing insults when I clearly threw plenty...do I need to call someone a RETARD again?

Ryan Hadlock said...

Apparently no one is threatened by you Nikki? Not sure why they are of me??? It's not like I could date any of the girls on here that I'm supposedly using "lines" on??? They're young enough to be my daughters (If i got started having kids at 18 that is :-D )

At this point I'm just padding Calvin's post count for him, to help him feel good, you know?!?!

Nikki said...

Ryan, I have had my share of "hate" comments, trust me on that one. For a while there I thought I was gonna get lynched for being such an evil crass cussing old married lady Mormon. You are too real for the fake bastards and bitches out there, and yes that is threatening. If you have to comment and chastise people through anonymity, then you are a fake piece of shit Mormon. Period. :)N

Ryan Hadlock said...

Hey Nikki do you still have that tube top and your daisy dukes? I am pretty sure I don't have a chance with anyone on here so maybe we could hook up. If you do the math I am old enough to be everyone's dad and you're old enough to be their mom, or possibly their grandma.

But just keep in mind that I'm an a-hole so I'd have to put a bag over your head.

Nikki said...

Right on Ryan! I could teach you a few things about how to comment on here. You are pretty good about being an a-hole, but you aren't vulgor enough. Throw in a bunch of cus words because it is so funny, but don't be tempted to use the f-bomb. Save that one for special occassions, trust me, it will mean more.

Plus you need to hate everyone more. I know all about hate, I am the queen of hate. I eat hate for breakfast. If you want to know how to make people hate you just listen to everything I have to say.

Sam, The Nanti-SARRMM said...

So Jake and Calvin won't hook up with readers, but readers can hook up with readers?

I like your thinking Ryan.

Rach said...

WAIT.

A BYU-H cheerleader??? As in BYU-Hawaii? Or something else?

Hahaha, I'm at BYU-H right now. We only have like ten cheerleaders. And it's a ridiculously small campus. So it'd be incredibly easy to find out which one you dated if that is the case.
But I don't know why one of the cheerleaders would have been home in November instead of here at school, so I bet I just don't know what the "H" means. And I'm too lazy to read all of the comments and figure out if anyone else has asked the same question, haha :]
Great blog, guys. You're awesome.